First there was syphillis, then AIDS and now there’s . . . phthalates. It turns out that even assisted autoeroticism is becoming a dangerous activity:
Environmental group Greenpeace called on the European Union to ban the use of chemical plastic softeners in sex toys because they contained dangerous substances known as phthalates.
“Adult sex toys contain the same toxic substances that the European Union banned from use in children’s toys,” Greenpeace said in a press release from its international headquarters here.
The environmental group said it was shocked to find that seven of the eight sex toys it had tested contained between 24 and 51 percent of phthalates.
“It is unbelievable that such toxic substances can be used in adult toys. We have tested many products in the last few years but never have we encountered such high concentrations,” Greenpeace spokesman Bart van Opzeeland said.
Greenpeace research has shown that phthalates can disrupt the human hormonal system, diminishes fertility and adversely affects the kidneys and liver.
The substance is used to soften plastics and PVC plastic. Greenpeace stressed that a ban on phthalates would not mean the disappearance of people’s favourite sex toys as there are plenty of non-toxic alternatives.
Life just keeps getting less fun. And I now can’t resist telling an antique and risque joke.
During WWII, after months in the desert, troops in North Africa got a little lonely. One soldier, fairly new to the unit, tried to subdue his urges but eventually got so frustrated he sought out a mate to ask what the other men did about the problem. To his surprise and disgust, he was told that camels provided a satisfactory solution. (Don’t worry, the joke will not be as gross as it promises to be at this moment.) He held off but, eventually, he couldn’t stand it any longer. He stealthily got hold of a camel and went to find a private spot in the desert. He quickly discovered that the whole camel thing was easier said than done. In the barren desert, there was nothing to tie the camel’s rein to, so every time he approached the camel from the correct angle, the camel moved away. After about an hour of camel chasing, he suddenly heard a cry. Following the sound, he saw a beautiful lady lying under a tree, obviously dying of thirst. He raced to her side and handed her his canteen. After she had refreshed herself, she said to him, “You saved my life. I have no words for how grateful I am. I’ll do anything, anything, for you.” The soldier thought about it for a minute and then said, “That’s right nice of you, Ma’am. I do want something from you. Will you please hold my camel still?”
Which reminds me of another bad joke. A mother of two finds herself in a bar (don’t ask why). Sitting next to her is the most gorgeous man she’s ever seen, a combination of elegance, brawn and good-grooming that would make any woman drool. Suddenly, he turns to her and says, “I will do absolutely anything you want, everything you’ve dreamed of, fulfill your every fantasy — and I’m good, very good — provided that you phrase your request using just three words.” The woman barely hesitates. She turns to him and loudly demands “Clean my house.”