An honest bar mitzvah invitation

My Jewish readers may enjoy this one, which I got from a friend:

In keeping up with the Levy’s and the Zimmerman’s,

It is with great stress, emotional and physical fatigue and incredible financial sacrifice beyond comprehension, that we invite you to join us as our wonderful son

Jonathan Samuel

is called to the Torah as a Bar Mitzvah.

Saturday, May 12th –
(yes we realize its Mother’s Day Weekend)

Temple Beth Israel
14 XXXXXXXX Road
XXXXX, XXXXXXXXX

at the ungodly hour of 9 am even though you don’t really need to be there until 10:20am to catch the real action.

If you make it through the 3 hour service, please skip the kiddush (its just cookies and cake) and join us instead for an overly large and ostentatious Kosher (my husband’s idea) evening meal, which starts at 7 PM, (not 8 PM.. or you will miss out on the 2000 canapes).

XXXXXXXX Country Club
25 Smith Drive
Westport, CT 06880

(which we had to join just for this event and you would not believe the initiation fees)

You will be in the presence of lots of boisterous and expensive entertainment and 60 to 70 unruly pre-teens wearing expensive dresses, funny hats, fake bling and brand new white ankle socks … as well as 80-100 middle aged+ adults, some balding, some with bad toupees, most will be professionally coiffed, designer attire galore, lots of REAL bling, and most “tootsed” to the nines. At least 1/3 will be hormonally challenged and some will act stupid while under the influence. Some will not even know where or who they are. Some will complain about the food. Blah Blah Blah.

Please have the courtesy of showing up if you RSVP that you are attending, or you will be billed for $210.00 a plate if you are a no-show. Please RSVP as soon as you get this and not a day before the cut-off date. I can’t take the stress.

Hope you can make it! Judy and David Gold
Dress: Black Tie optional
Theme: Star Wars

BYO Kippot. I don’t have the strength.

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  • http://smokeybehr.blogspot.com Smokey Behr

    OY! Finally someone dares to speak the truth! Blow the Shofar! The time of the Messiah is at hand! ;@)