Comments on: Men! Help out at home — for your kids’ sake

By: Bookworm

Bookworm — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 14:03:05 +0000

Silly Tobin. At least half the women I know work, so the equation is

MEN & WOMEN = WORK, etc.

WOMEN = CHILDCARE ON TOP OF WORK

WHO GETS THE BETTER DEAL?

By: TOBIN

TOBIN — Sat, 29 Sep 2007 12:41:53 +0000

MEN = WORK = MONEY = NICE HOUSE AND FOOD

WOMEN = CHILD CARE

WHO GETS THE BETTER DEAL?

MOST WOMEN GET HELP THESE DAYS ANYWAY!

MEN DONT GET ANYMORE HELP AT WORK.

LIKE TO SEE THE WIFE DO MY JOB IN THE EVENING WHILE I TIDY UP!

By: ymarsakar

ymarsakar — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 20:12:52 +0000

I thought DQ was Mr. Bookworm. Seems that is not the case! I’m embarrassed.

Take consolance in the fact that you aren’t the first to do so.

By: Trimegistus

Trimegistus — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:59:30 +0000

Bill:

_I_ don’t use sex that way. In my family we split the housework according to physical requirements and personal preference. But we have very flexible self-employed work schedules so it would be crazy for us to do it any other way.

Note that the article is describing what happens, not what should happen. Men who help out more tend to have more sex. That’s the datum. What you do with that information is your business.

Heck, there’s a pretty simple causal link: if your mate isn’t exhausted from doing chores, she might have more energy for nocturnal recreation.

By: Mike Devx

Mike Devx — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 12:01:44 +0000

I thought DQ was Mr. Bookworm. Seems that is not the case! I’m embarrassed.

By: Bill C

Bill C — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 11:41:52 +0000

I am guilty of only reading the title. I thought it was a quid pro quo.

BW,

Have you ever heard of the book the Surrendered Wife. There is some good stuff on give up control in order to gain respect and trust. If you can get past the title.

By: Bookworm

Bookworm — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 06:01:46 +0000

Bill, me again, regarding your second comment. I think the point of the article Trimegistus cited is that, when women feel supported, they do feel more loving. Women who feel overburdened will often respond with a lessening of affection. So it’s not bribery for a husband to help out. Instead, it’s the type of support that maximizes affection, which, for many women, is a necessary predicate for joyfully engaging in loving acts.

By: Bookworm

Bookworm — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 05:59:21 +0000

You’re right, Bill, that would be a problem if I did that. I’m smart enough not to let him know I do the re-dos, since that would indeed justify his reluctance to help out. On the rare occasions when he lapses into domesticity, I sneak around afterwards, correcting things such as incorrectly loaded dishwashers. (And that’s no small matter. The dishwasher cycles he loads, if left uncorrected, invariably have to be run twice, because he’s packed things in so tightly, nothing gets cleaned. He’s smart enough to know this, so I can only believe that his dishwasher loading skills are part of the whole feigned incompetence scam.)

By: Bill C

Bill C — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 05:57:11 +0000

Trimegistus,

Don’t use sex as a negotiating tool. It will kill your marriage. Sex is a reaffirmation of your love. Keep it sacred.

By: Bill C

Bill C — Wed, 19 Sep 2007 05:54:43 +0000

“…he does it so badly I have to do it again anyway.”

Here might be the problem. Do you critique his work? I don’t mind doing dishes, laundry, etc. but I hate having my wife tell me how to do it. Of course i was a competent bachelor for about 15 years before we met so I know how to care of myself. I just don’t fold clothes exactly the way she does. Men have their own way of doing things and if a woman sits back and criticizes him then he loses any interest in doing the job.

Try giving him tasks and then letting him do them.