This post is for dog lovers everywhere
Bookworm on May 25 2008 at 12:33 pm | Filed under: Uncategorized
I got this one in an email and laughed so hard I choked. So, for Sunday frivolity, I’m passing it on to you:
1- Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2- Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3- Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4- Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5- Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.
6- Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat’s throat vigorously.
7- Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8- Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
9- Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans. Drink 1 beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse’s forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10- Retrieve cat from neighbors shed. Get another pill. Open another beer. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11- Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw Tee shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12- Ring fire brigade to retrieve the cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.
13- Tie the little bastard’s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14- Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15- Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill…
1- Wrap it in bacon
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5 Responses to “This post is for dog lovers everywhere”
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Humans and cats can taste their food the way they smell it. Dog’s sense of smell is very good but they can’t taste anything. Just a cute fact. Also dogs will eat other dogs poo if you put bacon grease on it. Just for fun, I guess.
My stomach hurts from laughing, and my wife and I are both crying…..that is SO funny!! I’m sending it to my brother, who will probably have a heart attack, as he has a dog plus three or four cats!
Thanks for the boost to my immune system!!
I’ve done #6 and #8 (minus the straw) with strikingly similar results.
That’s funny! You know…reading it, I realized that I’ve never given a cat a pill – and I’ve had one cat or another for the last 40 years or so! I think I never _will_ give a cat a pill – sounds like it’s worth every penny of a vet visit!
I don’t waste bacon on the dogs, though. I either use a bit of hamburger or a piece of sliced cheese – although dogs aren’t really much of a problem to give pills to. Horses, now, are a bit of a challenge. And they have metal tubes to give them to cows, and the same but smaller for sheep and goats. I think pigs don’t get pills – they get shots.
Hmmm… Haven’t had to give my cats too many pills, but what worked for me was pinning the cat to the floor, squatting over the cat so that escape to either side is blocked by my legs, rearwards by my foot, and forwards by hand to chest. Tilt the head upwards and use gentle finger pressure to open the mouth, then drop in the pill and push it past the tongue. Maybe I’m just lucky, but I don’t understand all the problems people say they have handling cats. I’ve been able to bathe all four that have lived with me without any bites or scratches. (Though the howls of protest can be annoying.)