The Lie Clock

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him.

He asked, ‘What are all those clocks?’

St. Peter answered, ‘Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock.Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.’

‘Oh,’ said the man, ‘whose clock is that?’

‘That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie.’

‘Incredible,’ said the man. ‘And whose clock is that one?’

St. Peter responded, ‘That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.’

‘Where’s Senator Obama’s clock?’ asked the man.

‘Obama’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a ceiling fan.’

Subject: Amish Farmer

An Amish farmer walking, notices a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouts: “Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.”

Which means: “Don’t drink the water, the cows have pooped in it.”

The man shouts back: “I’m from Chicago and just down here campaigning for Obama, I can’t understand you. Please speak in English.”

The Amish man says: “Use two hands, you’ll get more.”

Not even going to say anything about needing to learn a second language…!

Dubya and JF Kerry do This Land is Your Land http://www.jibjab.com/originals/this_land.

Ronnie does Da Doo Ron Ron.

Barack Obama is not the President… But he plays one on TV…!