We take the most lovingly grown berries, cherries and natural flavors and cook them down until we have Pure Essence.

Then we take the Pure Essence and mix it with rainwater that has fallen on the most pristine patch of acreage in Marin, the one we call “Gaia’s Place.”

We hand-bottle the elixir in glass made from the Sands of Iwo Jima (may Goddess forgive us for what we arrogant white racist imperialists did to the simple Japanese Buddhist soldiers on that careworn island!) and distribute them to the various public school districts in the county.

To paraphrase Michael Jackson (before he became a white woman), “We put the little cups of Kool Aid in front of the children and it’s just so cute to watch the look in their eyes!”

Anyway, once they’ve drunk the Kool Aid you can see the scales drop off their kiddish peepers! Where once they were full of questions and doubt, now they KNOW:

Jews are cruel.

Dubya is dumb.

The New York Times is written by superintelligent people.

Capitalism is heating up the planet.

Yadda, yadda.

WE
ARE
VERY
HAPPY
HERE.