OH, you need to find one of your readers who is a fan of icanhascheezburger and good at photoshop who can take a hippo, photoshop in an iPhone with the caption; “Bookie’s iPhone. I ated it.”

Liberals arguing against abstinence only program often cite their supposed ineffectiveness and potential harm since they deny the child information about safe sex. This study evaluating four abstinence programs didn’t find any evidence of that.
While the report indicates there was no long-term benefits to the programs, these programs were from one to three years in duration. The data in one of the programs indicated a five percent reduction in sexual activity, but wasn’t considered statistically significant.
If in fact peer pressure is the largest component in decisions to either have sex or abstain from it, it seems that common sense would conclude that a consistent long-term message that it is OK to abstain from sex could have some benefit. If the message reduced the instance of sex even 5%, wouldn’t that be worth it, especially considering the fact that for $1 spent on abstinence programs $12 is spent on safe sex programs.

Contrary to concerns raised by some critics of federal funding for abstinence education, however, youth in the abstinence education programs were no more likely to have engaged in unprotected sex than youth who did not participate in the programs.
[snip]
Targeting youth at young ages may not be sufficient. Most Title V, Section 510 abstinence education programs are implemented in upper elementary and middle schools and most are completed before youth enter high school. The findings from this study provide no evidence that abstinence programs implemented at these grades reduce sexual activity of youth during their high school years. However, the findings provide no information on the effects programs might have if they were implemented in high school or began at earlier ages but continued through high school.

Peer support for abstinence erodes during adolescence. Peer support for abstinence is a significant predictor of later sexual activity. Although the four abstinence programs had at most a small impact on this measure in the short term and no impact in the long term, this finding suggests that promoting support for abstinence among peer networks should be an important feature of future abstinence programs.

http://www.mathematica-mpr.com/abstinencereport.asp
This article from the Heritage Foundation makes a case in favor of abstinence progams.
http://www.heritage.org/Research/Abstinence/wm461.cfm

Our kids told us that their local high school’s D.A.R.E. program went into great detail about the appeal of drugs and why people were drawn to use them. So, obviously, kids were drawn to try them. Natch, my kids’ upper-middle class high school-where-money-is-no-obstacle-and-parents-prefer-to-remain-clueless-about-their-kids is a major drug haven.

This would be like serving chocolate cake and ice cream and at Weight Watchers Meeting.