Don’t drink coffee when you read this (language alert)
Bookworm on Mar 03 2010 at 3:28 pm | Filed under: Silly Stuff
Mike Volpe, at The Provocateur (he’s a fellow Watcher’s Council member), sent this one:
Two Radical Arab Terrorists boarded a flight out of London. One took a window seat and the other sat next to him in the middle seat.
Just before takeoff, a U.S. Marine sat down in the aisle seat. After takeoff, the Marine kicked his shoes off, wiggled his toes and was settling in when the Arab in the window seat said, ‘I need to get up and get a coke.’ Don’t get up,’ said the Marine, ‘I’m in the aisle seat, ‘I’ll get it for you.’ As soon as he left, one of the Arabs picked up the Marines shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, the other Arab said, ‘That looks good, I’d really like one, too.’ Again, the Marine went to fetch it. While he was gone the other Arab picked up the Marines other shoe and spat in it.
When the Marine returned, they all sat back and enjoyed the flight.
As the plane was landing, the Marine slipped his feet into his shoes & knew immediately what had happened. He leaned over & asked his Arab neighbors,
‘Why does it have to be this way?
‘How long must this go on?
‘This fighting between our nations?
‘This hatred?
‘This animosity?
‘This spitting in shoes? ‘
and pissing in cokes?’
THE FEW. THE PROUD. THE MARINES
Wolf Howling, another Council member, responded with one of his own:
Little Melissa comes home from 1st grade & tells her father that they learned about the history of Valentine’s Day.
Since Valentine’s Day is for a Christian saint, and we’re Jewish,’ she asks, ‘Will God get mad at me for giving someone a valentine?
Melissa’s father thinks a bit, then says: ‘No, I don’t think God would get mad. Whom do you want to give a Valentine to?’
‘Osama Bin Laden,’ she says. Her fathers eyes grow wide.
‘Why Osama Bin Laden?’ her father asks in shock.
‘Well,’ she says, ‘I thought that if a little American Jewish girl could have enough love to give Osama a Valentine, he might start to think that maybe we’re not all bad, and maybe start loving people a little bit.
And if other kids saw what I did and sent Valentines to Osama, he’d love everyone a lot.
And then he’d start going all over the place to tell everyone how much he loved them, and how he didn’t hate anyone anymore.’Her father’s heart swells and he looks at his daughter with new found pride.. ‘Melissa, that’s the most wonderful thing I have ever heard.’
‘I know, ‘ Melissa says, ‘and once that gets him out in the open, the Marines could shoot the fucker.’
You may now return to your regularly scheduled coffee break.
Related posts:
- It almost makes me want to drink coffee
- Getting the labels right (language alert)
- Old Hippies on the rampage (language alert) against the “wrong” choice
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Greetings:
A US Marine and an Arab were in a men’s room. After they met their biological needs, the Arab began to wash his hands. When the Marine didn’t, the Arab asked, “Don’t they teach you in the Marine Corps to wash your hands after urinating?” ”No,” replied the Marine, “they teach us not to piss on our hands.”
Book..your timing was perfect…
California $*$ Bans Swearing!
http://lolfed.com/2010/02/25/california-bans-swearing/
Sadie: as one commenter at the link pointed out: California has very pressing problems to deal with and the legislators spend time voting in Cuss-Free Week?
Good jokes.
Gringo .. it was the punchline in a punchline (is that possible?)
I am always amazed and disappointed that Californians settle for so little and actually end up encouraging this waste of legislative time.
Notice: To All residents of the State of California, who participate in this salon, you are of course, exempt. You are free to ‘cuss’ after March 7, 2010. I will happily pick up the slack for all of you the first week of California’s declared March Madness.
2 BRAZILIAN SOLDIERS The Dept of Defense briefed the President this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq yesterday . To everyone’s surprise, he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears. Finally, he composed himself and asked, ‘Just how many is a Brazilian?’ This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either.
Heh…
Sadie…that #5 is a keeper!
We have a vendor Rep who comes in every week – we trade jokes. Think I’ll print that one up for her!
By the way…in honor of non-swearing week…Miller was on the O’Reilly show last night. He was his usual humorously critical self, commenting on the “alimentary canal excretion holes” that are running Congress these days. Try saying _that_ one 5 times fast!
I can’t take Miller in large doses – but small ones??? definitely! He really does have some terrific one liners…
I caught a piece of O’Reilly last night and it was just at the Miller mark.
“alimentary canal excretion holes”
Don’t think I could spurt that out even once without tripping on my tongue. Although I do enjoy a good tongue twister once in awhile. Here’s one a learned as a ‘tween’:
One smart fellow, he felt smart.
Two smart fellows, they felt smart.
Three smart fellows, they all felt smart.
Of course, it’s a ‘oldie’ but so am I. I think Book, should keep this thread as an open Joke thread, so we can keep adding to them.
Melissa sounds like someone I know. Somebody, like me, that is.
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