I think I’ve finally figured out how to end global warming once and for all
Bookworm on Apr 09 2010 at 10:56 am | Filed under: Climate change
I’ve been following Al Gore’s global warming hysteria with all the attention it deserves. I’ve understood about the boiling frogs; the way he gets to fly around, live in mansions, and drive SUVS, while the rest of us don’t; and our responsibility to use only a single square of toilet paper regardless of circumstances. I get all that. But what I really get is that the enemy is CO2. Bad, bad, bad CO2. (Funnily enough, growing up, I always thought carbon monoxide was the dangerous one, considering that it can suffocate us where we lie. Silly me.)
Our mission, should we choose to accept it, therefore, is to rid the world of CO2. Well, I finally figured out where most of the CO2 is coming from, and I know how to get rid of it: ban carbonated beverages. You see, I saw a Modern Marvels episode last night about soft drinks. Turns out they account for 30% of drink sales in the US, and they all have CO2 pumped into them for that fizzy taste Americans like. Well, you and I all know exactly what happens when you open a soft drink — the CO2 leaves the drink and enters the atmosphere. You can readily imagine the amount of CO2 that soft drink guzzling Americans are releasing daily into our overheated atmosphere.
If we banned soft drinks, voila! no more climate change. Or, even better, if we proposed a ban on soft drinks, Americans might realize what a farce this whole thing and turn against Al Gore’s personal billion dollar boondoggle once and for all.
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10 Responses to “I think I’ve finally figured out how to end global warming once and for all”
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I’ve been advocating this for a couple years but haven’t found any takers. I would support a worldwide ban on diet Coke, at least. Don’t know how anyone drinks it.
Let’s take it a step further and ban BEER, and other fermented drinks. Big Al knows better than to even try.
Al Gore wants to be the Al Capone of CO 2
“I’ll give you my cola when you take it from my cold, dead hands”
Folks, there’s a wonderful opportunity here. Some of Barack’s “animals-are-people-too” environmentalist friends are trying to grease the skids in order to facilitate some regulation changes and re-interpret some existing laws and definitions (sorry for the vagueness and lack of references, but it was a small news item in the last couple of months) that hitherto have been applied only to commercial fishing operations. Essentially, they want Barack to declare regulatory jurisdiction over pretty much all waters in the US, and essentially outlaw recreational fishing.
Gross infringement on liberty though this may be, it would be worth it for the campaign commercials: “I’m Barack Obama. Over the past four years, I’ve gutted America’s defenses, blown out the national debt, alienated all of our allies, and outlawed fishing and beer. And I’m asking for your vote.”
We could still have a two-party system, but I’m not sure who the other party would be.
“Let’s take it a step further and ban BEER, and other fermented drinks.”
You will have to pry my can of Steel Reserve from my cold, dead fingers.
Greetings:
Even seltzer? I’m from the 2-cent plain part of town.
Let’s call it - BAN THE BUBBLE
go to the site linked below just for sound effects while drinking bubble-less beverages.
http://www.breathingearth.net/
Spiff, I didn’t see your earlier response. Your cold, dead hands first, then mine.
I’m just wondering where the Greenhouse Gas Effect windows are? If CO2 is so great at permitting visible light in but keeping infrared from escaping why is it not used in windows? Would we not benefit from having a gas that collects and re-radiates the heat into the room rather than Argon which is just inert and has a low heat conductivity. If it can warm the whole wide world, can it not warm my room?
Probably because one would have to put a lot of Co2 by density within the window plane.