A brilliant parody from Reader Tonestaple

I did a very little post about Obama’s meaningless rhetoric and, with a nod to Lerner and Lowe, I titled it “Words, words, words.  I’m so sick of Obama’s words.”  Tonestaple, in the comment section, came back with something much better:

With deepest apologies to Lerner & Lowe:

Words, words, words
I’m so sick of words
I get words all day through,
First from Gibbs, now from you!
Is that all you wankers can do?

Don’t talk of oil filling the Gulf
We’ve heard enough, show me!
Tell me no tales of how you’re enraged
It won’t assuage.  Show me!

Don’t you ever want to be the one who says exact-
ly what you mean? Speak only facts.
No one really cares how you are feeling ‘bout the spill;
Just that you won’t let them drill.

Don’t you know now is not the time
For you to whine.  Show me!  Show me!
Don’t talk about anger and rage
You are not Oprah on stage.
Show me now!

None of us care how you’re feeling
We want results.  Show me!
Don’t talk of boots on someone’s neck.
Don’t talk at all!  Show me!

Don’t you know that OPA 90 says you should have had a plan?
It should be there right in your hands.
Everywhere the oil is one big spreading sheen
Say one more word and we’ll scream!

Don’t you think now is a good time
To get off the dime?  Show me!  Show me!
Don’t wait until wrinkles and lines pop out all over my brow!
Show me now!

My brilliant readers spoil me rotten.

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  • Tonestaple

    Thank you, Book!  I feel famous!

  • Mike Devx

    Tonestaple’s plaintive cry, “Show me now!” is partly a plea for someone, anyone, involved in this mess to please, please show some level of competence.
    A Newsweek article (yeah, I know, it’s the MSM, and thus has some strange paragraph and article structure and pro-Obama focus…) has some juicy tidbits.
    On the afternoon of April 20, workers on the Deepwater Horizon rig noticed bits of rubber gurgling up through the pipe that connects the rig to the well. Not a good sign, thought Mike Williams, the chief electronics technician. But he says that his supervisor told him, in effect, no big deal.
    “I’m hearing hissing. Engines are over-revving. And then all of a sudden, all the lights in my shop just started getting brighter and brighter and brighter. And then I knew, we were, something bad was getting ready to happen,” Williams told the CBS News show 60 Minutes. A three-inch-thick steel door blew off its hinges and flung him across the room. “And I remember thinking to myself, this, this is it. I am going to die right here.”
    When the survivors got to shore, the rig operator asked them to sign a paper saying they had not suffered personal injuries. Stone says he refused.
    Inevitably, when government regulators are dependent on the industries they regulate, coziness and sometimes corruption creep in. The MMS appears to have been no exception. Oil companies filled out inspection forms in pencil, then the MMS inspector traced over their writing in ink.
    [Mike Devx aside: Hey, Mr. MMS Inspector! Good job!  I learned to trace over pencil with ink in, like, 3rd Grade!  Glad to see you made it at least that far in your edjukayshun!  In case you didn’t know, MMS is… a government bureaucracy.]
    The MMS inspector general’s office found that regulators were accepting meals and hunting trips from the oil industry, and sometimes more—such as an expenses-paid trip to the Peach Bowl (the regulator was a big LSU fan). In a couple of instances, regulators were using drugs. The door between industry and government revolved in the usual way: in one instance, an inspector was negotiating for a job with the company whose rigs he was inspecting
    British Petroleum, the company’s old name, was changed to the more global-friendly BP, and a new green-and-yellow logo was designed to seem more environmentally conscious, along with the slogan “Beyond Petroleum.” BP officials revolved in and out of government, and when top officials like Leon Panetta (former White House chief of staff, now CIA director), Tom Daschle (former Senate majority leader), and Christine Todd Whitman (former EPA chief) left government, they wound up on a well-paid BP advisory board.
    [Mike Devx aside: Hey, at least they’re good at public relations and propaganda!  Score one for the corrupt and incompetent!]
    Several rig operators later told reporters that they had been under pressure to finish up with the drilling and move on. Capping a well is a complex operation. The New York Times reported that BP chose a cheaper, riskier method to plug the well rather than an alternative. Some evidence has emerged that the cement did not set properly before the rig operators switched from pumping “drilling mud”—a concoction used to keep the pressure on the well so the oil and gas won’t surge upward—to seawater. When the rig operators began using water, the oil and gas began to “kick” upward—a dangerous sign. The blowout preventer, designed for such moments, failed. It appears that a battery in the command module had gone out. What else went wrong will be the subject of endless investigations and lawsuits.
    Brinkley told NEWSWEEK that Obama needed a “bullhorn moment,” a time when he could have shown defiant leadership, à la George W. Bush climbing on the rubble of the World Trade Center to figuratively wave his fist at Al Qaeda. “Instead,” says Brinkley, “there was a lot of lawyering up.”
    [ Mike Devx aside: Tonestaple’s plea “Just Show Me!” probably doesn’t mean, “Show me… your lawyers!”  Probably…  Ha!]
    It wasn’t until April 29, more than a week after the incident, that Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano declared “a spill of national significance,” legal terminology that has the effect of authorizing federal assistance to the region
    administration officials told NEWSWEEK they were limited in their ability to declare a major disaster by an obscure law, the Robert T. Stafford Disaster Relief and Emergency Assistance Act, which says that the feds shouldn’t step in and take complete responsibility when it’s certain that private parties will pay to clean up the disaster.
    [ Sounds like the same bureaucratic paper shuffling and resistance to ANY momentum that all the bureaucracies showed in the face of Katrina and the subsequent levee failures…  Hey everyone! Just remember:  Bureaucracy Cares!  It Loves You!]
    The company did have a plan, titled “BP Regional Oil Spill Response Plan—Gulf of Mexico,” approved by the federal government. But on closer inspection, it was a pretty flimsy document. Rick Steiner, a marine biologist and former University of Alaska professor who has worked on numerous oil spills, including the 1989 Exxon Valdez disaster, points out the plan discusses the need to protect walruses, seals, and sea lions, animals that do not exist in the gulf, which strongly suggests a cut-and-paste job. A Web address given for a response contractor’s equipment list goes instead to a Japanese shopping site. The good ol’ boys at the MMS may not have been closely reading this plan when they signed off, suggests Steiner. “When I first read it, my jaw dropped,” he told NEWSWEEK.
    it was disclosed that the MMS was still issuing drilling permits in the gulf despite a supposed moratorium. (Last week MMS chief Elizabeth Birnbaum resigned.)
    [Yep, the best and the brightest.  They’re awfully good at collecting your tax dollars, and issuing checks to themselves and their political supporters.  Are they good at ANYTHING else?  Seems the bigger the federal government becomes, the worse it performs at everything.]

  • Tonestaple

    Entirely right, Mike.  For anyone not intimately familiar with “My Fair Lady”, this song is launched into by Eliza right after Freddie Eynsford-Hill has been waxing poeticial:  “Speak and the world is full of singing, my heart is winging…,” and Eliza interrupts him with “Words, words, words, I’m so sick of words….” 

    I am sick unto death of hearing Obama’s talk and of nothing being accomplished but knee-jerk bans on off-shore drilling which will destroy half of Louisiana’s economy.  And I am sick unto death of hearing about Obama’s emotional state:  he’s angry, he’s enraged, his job is to make sure we know how he’s feeling.  Is he kidding?  He must be (but we know he’s not); he’s the president, for heaven’s sake, and his feelings are singularly irrelevant.  I feel sure he has assembled teams of bureaucrats, but has he tried assembling teams of engineers?

  • suek

    >>For anyone not intimately familiar with “My Fair Lady”>>
    For anyone not intimately familiar with “My Fair Lady”…shame on you!!  Hie thee to whatever source you buy/rent movie films from and buy/rent a copy!!  Posthaste!!

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