The Military is about to become a shaggy dog (or camel or sheep) joke
Bookworm on Dec 02 2011 at 7:11 pm | Filed under: Military
I’ve got an old joke for you, one that my Dad heard during WWII in North Africa:
Camel (image by Ltshears)
A soldier has been serving in the desert for a long time, and has become increasingly antsy as his body craves sexual release. He notices that his fellow soldiers seem much more relaxed than he is. Finally, he overcomes his shyness and approaches one of his mates to find out why the latter isn’t sexually frustrated. “Ah,” says his mate. “The secret out here is to find yourself a nice camel. You’d be amazed at how good that can feel.”
The soldier is horrified at the thought but, eventually, his urges overcome him. He finds himself a nice camel, rather pretty and clean-looking for a camel. He then heads out into the desert with her for some privacy.
Once in the middle of nowhere, he realizes he has a small problem: he can’t reach the camel (think Chihuahua approaching a Great Dane). Eventually, our young soldier gets a bright idea. He’ll take the camel near a sand dune and then position himself on the sand dune. In his mind, the problem is solved. What he discovers, though, is that camels don’t stand still and he finds himself chasing his camel lady through the dunes.
Suddenly, he spies an exquisitely beautiful, half-clothed young woman staggering through the desert towards him. “Help me!” she cries. “If you can save me from this terrible desert, I’ll do anything for you. Anything.”
The soldier looks the young woman over carefully, and then politely asks “Would you please hold my camel for me?”
Here’s another story for you, but it’s not a joke. It’s a true story about the state of modern academia. Peter Singer holds an endowed chair at Princeton. His books include Should the Baby Live?: The Problem of Handicapped Infants (Studies in Bioethics)
Peter Singer (image by Todd Huffman)
The moral abyss Singer creates with his euthanasia musings is highlighted by the fact that his animal liberation writings make him a founding father of the animal rights movement — a movement that’s come to full flower in PETA insanity (which analogizes the death of chickens to the death of Jews in Hitler’s gas chambers). Singer explicitly believes that a healthy animal has greater rights than a sick person. Singer has also made clear that he has no moral problem with bestiality, provided that the animal consents. (I love the mental image I have here of a cow or sheep carefully perusing a written consent form, before marking an “X” on it with her hoof.) This last “ethical theory” has put Singer at odds with the same animal rights movement he was so instrumental in creating.
If you’re wondering now why I’m waffling on about bestiality, which is not normally a subject that concerns this blog or its readers, it’s because the Senate has been busy. A few days ago, in response to the end of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell, and the mandate that the military provide a welcoming environment to homosexuals, the Senate (with almost complete unanimity) passed a bill repealing the military law on sodomy. Doing so is a logical step to take given prior changes in the military code of conduct.
But one really has to ask why the Senate also repealed the law against bestiality. As far as I know, the Senate hasn’t provided any answers. Although I don’t see our young men and women in arms suddenly rushing out to enjoy carnal relationships with camels, sheep or any other convenient (and possibly promiscuous) livestock, there is still something . . . umm, what’s the word? Unseemly? Unsavory? Unnatural? Creepy? Unwholesome? Well, there’s something just wrong when one thinks about the United States Senate green-lighting behavior that is normally reserved for risqué jokes and bizarre ethical discussions held far, far out on the wacky spectrum of liberal philosophy.
Sheep (image by George Gastin)
As for me, while bestiality is nothing new, I’m hard put to think of any society, outside of Princeton University, that has ever put its imprimatur on bestiality — – except, if our Senate has its way, for the United States Military. We’ll see now what the House does with this quirky little add-on to the realm of acceptable behaviors in the U.S. Military.
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“I love the mental image I have here of a cow or sheep carefully perusing a written consent form, before marking an “X” on it with her hoof.)”
Sexist!
I take it you didn’t read Charlie Wilson’s War, yet! I especially loved the part about how he sent 1000′s of Texas mules to Pakistan to help transport Stingers in the fight against the soviets. The Mujahadeen made in known that American Mules made much better mates than the local donkeys.
The world is going to hell in a hand basket and 93 senators did this with a straight face? Donkeys, elephants, RINO’s …. it’s not the Senate chambers – it’s a zoo! Oh lord, I hope this is not part of some muslim shepherd outreach program.
So… how to tell this story semi-succinctly?
During an all-expense-paid vacation to Bosneyland quite a number of moons ago, I had the remarkably frustrating experience of working for a wonder of officerhood named CPT Dunder*, a product of the Army’s version of social promotion. (* Names used here may have been changed.) His remarkable incompetence was the great unifier for all of us who served under his command. I want to say that he meant well, but it is more accurate to say that he wanted to mean well.
Also on that deployment was SGT Evil, a quiet, round-faced fellow with a perpetual gleam in his baby-blue eyes. He spoke little, said less, and told you nothing, preferring to find a nice quiet spot in the corner from which to survey the room and dream up the most lurid practical jokes. To cross him was to risk noticing that your toothbrush seemed a little saltier and slimier than it should, or something similar. No one messed with SGT Evil.
Now, at the time, “Dear Abby” was helping to forward letters “To Any Soldier,” so that nice folks back home didn’t actually have to know someone specific in order to write something thoughtful and encouraging, and we received these letters from time to time. Once, a letter arrived from a retired Navy dentist and his wife, from Iowa (or something roughly like that, as my memory goes). It was a very nice and thoughtful letter which encouraged the receiving soldier to take comfort in reading the Bible. A letter of reply was discovered to have been written by CPT Dunder, and it went something like this:
“Dear Dr. and Mrs. Thoughtful,
Thank you so much for your kind letter. Yes, it does get lonely here sometimes, but rest assured that I do take comfort in reading my Bible. And there are other ways to ease the loneliness, as well. For example, there are a number of very friendly dogs here in camp, and sometimes I like to take one back to my tent and…”
At that point, it went uncut, uncensored, completely pornographic, and, for those of us tearing our hair out due to the dear captain’s leadership, cathartically and side-splittingly hysterical. No one should laugh that hard without getting a physical check-up first. (No one will be surprised to hear that the handwriting resembled SGT Evil’s.)
Still, it would have been really, really, really wrong to send that letter. And, as one of the few who was still handcuffed to a desk at brigade HQ, I was in a position to make it disappear in transit the next morning, and resolved to do so. But I never got the chance, since CPL Trusty, who faithfully rose earlier than the rest of us every morning to get the fire going, needed some tinder and seems to have carelessly grabbed an envelope out of the mailbag for the purpose.
These days, I have to wonder if such a letter might not make Captain Dunder a “protected class” before he was able to protest that it was a forgery.
Dear Ms. Book,
I am sure that it was quite unintentional on your part to immediately follow a post on Congresswoman Pelosi with a post on legalized bestiality. If not, I commend you on your perspicacity. It does explain rather well what has been done to this country. However, I shall now have to live with the images that you have indelibly imprinted on my mind.
I have heard a version of the camel joke where the punchline is: No stupid! We ride the camels into town to get the women. . .
@Danny: BW is starting a program to out-clever-juxtaposition the Drudge Report!!
By the way, for those who wish to support action against Peter Singer and his ilk, here’s the URL for a group that pickets ANY public appearance of that POS:
http://notdeadyetnewscommentary.blogspot.com/
Germany won’t let Singer make ANY public addresses within their country – their memory of where his kind of thinking leads is too fresh.
And I will have nothing whatever to do with Princeton based on their support for this slime.