That must be a truly unique buzz cut the President is getting

I know a bit about really short buzz cuts.  On the kids’ swim team, when swim season starts, all the boys get buzzed.  They do it to each other, and they do a pretty darn good job:  take clippers, run them over person’s head, sweep up the mess.  It’s not complicated.

Our President has a very short buzz cut.  I’d guess that it’s the number 1 on the clipper.  Take clippers, run them over the President’s head, sweep up the mess.  Anyone could do it — and, in a military city such as Washington, D.C., I bet that there are a lot of barbers with good experience at tight clips.

This makes it hard to believe a report that has recently surfaced to the effect that the President, using money from his own pocket and carbon emissions from everyone’s environment, flies his Chicago barber out to D.C. every two weeks:

Reports have surfaced that President Barack Obama is very loyal to his barber. The President is a man of the common people, the report tells its listeners. He hangs out with regular folks, like his barber for example.  The President has been using the same Chicago based barber, who goes by the name Zariff, for the past 17 years.   According to German Public Radio, the President flies Zariff from Chicago to DC for a trim every two weeks.  The president allegedly personally funds these trips. President Obama obviously also does not care much about the massive carbon footprint his haircuts are leaving on our planet which, we are told, is tipping precariously.

Maybe this is just Zariff trying to buff up his image. After all, back when Obama was elected, Zariff was already agitating for a continued barber-client relationship.

I’m no Obama fan, but this story really strains credulity. If it’s true, though, then it’s a great addition to the “Obama is a very strange man and a profligate user of resources that he would deny to others” category.

Is this what a Chicago buzz cut looks like?

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  • JKB

    Do you know how much it cost for the Secret Service to clear a guy to be within inches of the President’s head with sharp scissors? No agent could close that distance in time so they guy has continued vetting.

  • Bookworm

    JKB:  You are absolutely right!  Killer scissors would definitely be a problem, but how much harm can you do with clippers?  😉

    In any event, I’m sure there are some military barbers in D.C. who would survive the vetting process.  After all, other presidents also managed haircuts. 

    Maybe the real worry is voodoo.  You know, get the wrong hairdresser, who gathers the hair and sells it to voodoo practitioners who put spells on the President.  Yeah, that’s the ticket….  Voodoo.

  • Caped Crusader

    I recommend a FLOWBEE, an effective and safe instrument, incapable of removing even a layer of skin; and the President could get royalties and increase his income and help pay off the national debt. I could teach Michelle how to use it in one easy lesson and could lend her an old vacuum cleaner if she does not have one. She could use these skills after leaving the White House, since she no longer practices law. Think of all the CO2 gases that are being produced without necessity. Oh!, the tragedy of it all!

  • JKB

    I guess I wasn’t clear. I’d expect there is a barbershop in the Whitehouse complex or in the Capitol or over at the Pentagon, where they have access to people with the most important secrets. With barbers fully vetted for intimate access. Flying in a guy from Chicago isn’t required.

  • Bookworm

    Ah.  I thought you might be joking.  As it is, I know there’s a barber down in the bowels of Congress.


    “As it is, I know there’s a barber down in the bowels of Congress”

    Adjacent to the swamp? 😉 

  • 11B40


    I think that the President’s “do” needs a little variety.  Next, maybe razor a part into it. Or an Al Sharpton “konk” job. 

  • Ron19

    The President’s do does have variety.

    It goes back and forth between more gray and less gray.