Hillary and the Democrats’ guano mountain

Looking back at the Democrat convention, I couldn’t get an image out of my head. Imagine, if you well, the vast, lonely ocean. In the middle of the ocean is what looks to be an island. Closer inspection, though, reveals that it’s actually a tiny, barren rock that, over the years, has been covered with layers and layers of guano (that’s bird poop, for those who don’t recognize the term). There’s so much guano there that, from afar, it looks as if that rock is an actual landmass on which one could survive.

Now picture in your mind a shipwrecked man swimming to that island, certain that he’s found a safe haven until he’s rescued. He gets near the island and reaches out to grab hold of it to lever himself onto the land, only to discover that he’s got nothing but a handful of bird poop. He reaches out again, only to have more bird poop. Frantically, he claws at what he thought would be his salvation, only to find himself surrounded by greasy, stinky, floating mounds of the bird poop that he’s peeled off the guano mound. There is no island, there is no relief. There is only drowning in fecal matter.

That’s the Democrats and Hillary. They’re trying to sell us on the fact that she’s the perfect candidate: experienced, temperamentally sound, and protecting all of the right people, from women to blacks to gays to Hispanics. Sure, she’s been investigated endlessly for scandals since the 1980s, but that, they insist, is the product of a combination of right wing conspiracies and a few unfortunate mistakes on her part. For example, as a liberal earnestly told me, it was just a mistake when, after having signed off on a security briefing about protecting State Department communications, Hillary decided to conduct all of her business as Secretary of State on an unsecured server in the bathroom of her home, and it was just an accident when she instructed people to copy classified documents off of the State Department server and upload them onto her system.

And so the Democrats swim through the electoral ocean, exhausted, but consoled by that solid rock of Hillary-ness that they see just beyond them. But that rock is 98% guano. Try to grab hold, and you’ll end up with a handful of

• Watergate (from which she was fired after allegedly taking documents from the file, among other things);
• Whitewater;
• Rose Law Firm bills;
• Travelgate;
• Bimbo eruptions;
• A failed healthcare initiative;
• A tenure as US Senator during which she accomplished nothing;
• A stint as Secretary of State during which she dropped the ball on radical Islam, turned Libya into an ISIS haven, allowed Putin to expand unchecked, sold out American interests to foreign powers in exchange for cash to her and her husband, gave away all of America’s secrets;
• A post-Secretary career spent amassing tens of millions of dollars, many for very expensive speeches to banks; and
• The world’s most cold, grating personalities, one so robotic that her supporters spend inordinate amounts of time convincing voters she’s human.

Bird poop. An ocean of it. That’s what the Democrats are swimming towards to fulfill their dream of a safe political haven. And all they’re really getting is a tiny, poop-stained rock in the middle of floating fecal matter.