Whew! Having watched some of the vice presidential debate, we now know what happened to the leftover amphetamines from Hillary’s first debate night, when they were put to good use propping her up for 90 minutes. We know that Hillary swallowed some of the extras, or else she couldn’t have rendered her “why aren’t I 50 points ahead?” masterpiece, but some were definitely set aside for tonight’s Democrat performance at the debate.

If you were to take Chip or Dale, of Disney chipmunk fame, and feed them a meal of coffee and amphetamines, they’d sound just like Tim Kaine. The guy is so wired I’m surprised his skin still fits him. Also, and this is a mean comment on his looks, but I became weirdly fascinated by his jaw and mouth. They look like something one would see on a ventriloquist’s dummy. The flapping jaw and smile that never reaches his eyes are weirdly disconnected, in an almost psychopathic way. I would not want to meet this man in a dark alley. He’s Joe Biden, only more vicious.

Poor Governor Pence has been left trying to thread a very fine needle: Make his campaign points or quiet the pit bull puppy savaging his ankles just so that he (Pence) can get a word in edgewise. Worse, Pence is not being helped by the breathy bimbo with the false eyelashes (hard to believe, but she’s apparently the moderator) who keeps cutting Pence off while giving Kaine more time for his sound byte attacks.

To the extent that Pence has been allowed to speak, he’s made sense. Too often, though, Kaine has spoken over him, babbling incomprehensible and repetitive insults, making it impossible to hear what Pence is saying. If Kaine were in my kindergarten class, I’d tell his mother he’s incorrigible, possibly damaged, and cannot return to the room until he’s learned some self-control.

Honestly? I had to stop watching 30 minutes into the debate. But I misspoke. What these two were having was not a “debate” in the understood term of two people confronting each other with their ideas and arguments. Instead, under the aegis of said bimbo, it was a bad cartoon, with Kaine as the unfunny funny guy and Pence as the beleaguered straight man. It is a perfect metaphor for how debased our politics have become.

I will read the debate tomorrow when I can filter out Hopped-Up Kaine and Breathy Bimbo and, instead, focus on what Kaine and Pence had to say. For now, please consider this an open thread and toss in whatever comments you like regarding this national embarrassment.

For more Veep debate coverage, be sure to check out WOW! Magazine, the online collaborative magazine from the Watcher’s Council and its friends. I know there will be posts up tomorrow about the debate.