The daily horrors of being a leftie

I can attest to the truth behind each one of the items on this list.  Sigh….

Still, I want you to know that I am not a leftie victim.  I’m a survivor.  But as an America, I am of course petitioning the federal government for special leftie rights.  Hmmm.  That sounds wrong.  Almost sinister.  If only I were a more dextrous writer.  And I have to admit that sometimes it pains me that I’m now a right-winger.  I guess by rights . . . I mean, I guess that, more naturally, I should be a left-winger.

I’m confused.