An educated guess identifying the leaker behind the Ukraine whistleblower

Reading the Ukraine transcript with an eye to the subtext and metadata, brings us close to determining who leaked to the friend-of-Biden whistleblower.

Whistleblower Leaker UkraineWe’ve learned that the so-called “whistleblower” — in actuality, someone who merely relayed hearsay information — is a former Biden associate. However, we still don’t have much information about the identity of the person who leaked to the whistleblower information about the phone call between Presidents Trump and Zelenskyy.

I think I can fill that information vacuum by looking to the only clue we have: The whistleblower’s own description of the leaker. While the whistleblower doesn’t name s/he/it, the whistleblower does describe that person’s thought processes — and, as the novels/movies tell us about FBI profilers, if you understand the thought processes, you know the person. Here, according to the New York Times, is what the leaker was thinking (hyperlinks omitted, emphasis mine):

A White House official who listened to President Trump’s July phone call with Ukraine’s leader described it as “crazy,” “frightening” and “completely lacking in substance related to national security,” according to a memo written by the whistle-blower at the center of the Ukraine scandal, a C.I.A. officer who spoke to the White House official.

The official was “visibly shaken by what had transpired,” the C.I.A. officer wrote in his memo, one day after Mr. Trump pressured President Volodymyr Zelensky of Ukraine in a July 25 phone call to open investigations that would benefit him politically.

(As an aside, it shouldn’t really matter, but it does: The New York Times misspells President Zelenskyy’s name. Alternatively, the Times thinks it knows more about spelling President Zelenskyy’s name than Zelenskyy himself does on his official website.)

When uninitiated people read the transcript, they see only a friendly call between allies during the course of which President Trump makes a request without stated conditions that Ukraine look in Crowdstrike’s role in the 2016 election. Much later in the conversation, they see President Zelenskyy mention Rudy Giuliani, with Trump responding with a “by the way” request that Ukraine might want to examine Hunter Biden’s business dealings insofar as Joe Biden boasted about getting a prosecutor fired. This is a very shallow interpretation.

To the initiated, those who are not fooled by superficialities, that transcript is dripping with subtext, which is the type of thing that Deplorables are incapable of seeing or understanding.

Fortunately for the uninitiated Deplorables among us, I’ve carefully analyzed the first half of the conversation, up to and including the Biden stuff. I’m therefore pleased to announce that, thanks to that close sub-textual, I’ve got a good idea about the leaker’s identity. To help you understand the analysis and my conclusion, I’ve taken the official transcript and interlineated the missing subtext. Once you’ve read it, I know that you will fully appreciate what kind of person can be so exquisitely attuned to the nuances of a superficially banal conversation — and so triggered by those nuances:

The President: Congratulations on a great victory. We all watched from the United States and you did a terrific job. The way you came from behind, somebody who wasn’t given much of a chance, and you ended up winning easily. It’s a fantastic achievement. Congratulations. [Nice little country you got there. Shame if something happened to it.]

President Zelenskyy: You are absolutely right Mr. President. [May I kiss your ring, Don Trump?] We did win big and we worked hard for this. [Please don’t kill me.] We worked a lot but I would like to confess to you that I had an opportunity to learn from you. We used quite a few of your skills and knowledge and were able to use it as an example for our elections and yes it is true that these were unique elections. We were in a unique situation that we were able to achieve a unique success. [See? I’m just like you, so please don’t kill me.] I’m able to tell you the following; the first time, you called me to congratulate me when I won my presidential election, and the second time you are now calling me when my party won the parliamentary election. I think I should run more often so you can call me more often and we can talk over the phone more often. [I’m so frightened, I had to wear Depends for this call.]

The President: [[Sinister] laughter] That’s a very good idea. I think your country is very happy about that. [You know that my boys can take care of you with the push of a button, right?]

President Zelenskyy: Well yes, to tell you the truth, we are trying to work hard because we wanted to drain the swamp here in our country. We brought in many many new people. Not the old politicians, not the typical politicians, because we want to have a new format and a new type of government. You are a great teacher for us and in that. [I understand corruption as well as you do, Don Trump. Moreover, I just re-read The Art of The Deal, so I’m willing to talk if you assure me you won’t kill me.]

The President: Well it’s very nice of you to say that. I will say that we do a lot for Ukraine. We spend a lot of effort and a lot of time. [Remember who’s doing the nice favors for you, capisce?] Much more than the European countries are doing and they should be helping you more than they are. Germany does almost nothing for you. All they do is talk and I think it’s something that you should really ask them about. [Europe is weak. Very weak.] When I was speaking to Angela Merkel she talks Ukraine, but she doesn’t do anything. [Donna Merkel is a dirty rat.] A lot of the European countries are the same way so I think it’s something you want to look at but the United States has been very very good to Ukraine. I wouldn’t say that it’s reciprocal necessarily because things are happening that are not good but the United States has been very very good to Ukraine. [Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me.]

President Zelenskyy: Yes you are absolutely right. Not only 100%, but actually 1000% and I can tell you the following; I did talk to Angela Merkel and I did meet with her. I also met and talked with Macron and I told them that they are not doing quite as much as they need to be doing on the issues with the sanctions. They are not enforcing the sanctions. [I know he’s thinking why did I go to Donna Merkel? Why didn’t I go to Don Trump first?] They are not working as much as they should work for Ukraine. It turns out that even though logically, the European Union should be our biggest partner but technically the United States is a much bigger partner than the European Union and I’m very grateful to you for that because the United States is doing quite a lot for Ukraine. Much more than the European Union especially when we are talking about sanctions against the Russian Federation. I would also like to thank you for your great support in the area of defense. We are ready to continue to cooperate for the next steps specifically we are almost ready to buy more Javelins from the United States for defense purposes. [I am ready to talk favors here.]

The President: I would like you to do us a favor though because our country has been through a lot and Ukraine knows a lot about it. [Well, my friend, are you ready to do me this service? I want you to use all your powers, and all your skills.] I would like you to find out what happened with this whole situation with Ukraine, they say Crowdstrike … I guess you have one of your wealthy people… The server, they say Ukraine has it. There are a lot of things that went on, the whole situation. I think you’re surrounding yourself with some of the same people. I would like to have the Attorney General call you or your people and I would like you to get to the bottom of it. [Either you get to the bottom in a way that pleases me, or you’ll find yourself sleeping with the fish. As you saw yesterday, that whole nonsense ended with a very poor performance by a man named Robert Mueller, an incompetent performance, but they say a lot of it started with Ukraine. Whatever you can do, it’s very important that you do it if that’s possible. [Mueller is a marked man. Don’t disappoint me as he did.]

President Zelenskyy: Yes it is very important for me and everything that you just mentioned earlier. For me as a President, it is very important and we are open for any future cooperation. We are ready to open a new page on cooperation in relations between the United States and Ukraine. [I hear you loud and clear, Don Trump. As it is ordered, so it shall be done.] For that purpose, I just recalled our ambassador from United States and he will be replaced by a very competent and very experienced ambassador who will work hard on making sure that our two nations are getting closer. I would also like and hope to see him having your trust and your confidence and have personal relations with you so we can cooperate even more so. [My predecessors offended you. I won’t make that mistake.] I will personally tell you that one of my assistants spoke with Mr. Giuliani just recently and we are hoping very much that Mr. Giuliani will be able to travel to Ukraine and we will meet once he comes to Ukraine. I just wanted to assure you once again that you have nobody but friends around us. I will make sure that I surround myself with the best and most experienced people. I also wanted to tell you that we are friends. We are great friends and you Mr. President have friends in our country so we can continue our strategic partnership. I also plan to surround myself with great people and in addition to that investigation, I guarantee as the President of Ukraine that all the investigations will be done openly and candidly. That I can assure you. [You, Don Trump, are family. You have my loyalty. And your people are my people.]

The President: Good because I heard you had a prosecutor who was very good and he was shut down and that’s really unfair. [Horse’s head in a bed unfair, if you know what I mean.] A lot of people are talking about that, the way they shut your very good prosecutor down and you had some very bad people involved. Mr. Giuliani is a highly respected man. [Giuliani is one of my made men. Capisce?] He was the mayor bf New York City, a great mayor, and I would like him to call you. I will ask him to call you along with the Attorney General. Rudy very much knows what’s happening and he is a very capable guy. If you could speak to him that would be great. [When my guy Rudy calls, you answer.] The former ambassador from the United States, the woman, was bad news and the people she was dealing with in the Ukraine were bad news so I just want to let you know that. The other thing, there’s a lot of talk about Biden’s son, that Biden stopped the prosecution and a lot of people want to find out about that so whatever you can do with the Attorney General would be great. Biden went around bragging that he stopped the prosecution so if you can look into it … It sounds horrible to me. [I want that Biden guy gone, you understand? You do whatever you have to do to make that happen. And if it doesn’t . . . I don’t think I need to state specifics, but you will regret to your dying day — something that may come sooner than you think — having disrespected me about taking Biden out.]

We all know, of course, which people in this society possess the type of super-sensitive antennae that makes them instantly aware of and emotionally responsive to subtext that’s entirely at odds with the spoken words: Recent college grads! Only someone who’s been through an American college could be so alive to metadata and subtexts. With this information, the following is my best guess based on the available information.

Ladies and gentlemen and non-binary living beings, I present to you the probable leaker within the Trump White House:

IT’S TRIGGLYPUFF!!

Whistle Blower Ukraine