In some way, the intellectual differences between moonbats and me can easily be distilled down to thoughts about 15 captured British sailors. Rosie O’Donnell, an exhibitionist lesbian who would quickly be put to death were she an Iranian citizen, earnestly opines on American television that the Iranians acted in good faith to defend their territorial integrity, and that we should believe all of their promises and representations. (This touching faith in the Iranians is just a launching pad for accusing the U.S. Government of being behind 9/11, of course).
Rosie holds to this laughable position despite the fact that the Iranians have had to adjust their manifest lies in order to make them fit with irrefutable facts. She also does this despite the fact that the Iranians have made a special effort to humiliate and demean the one British woman captured — something that seems not to bother Rosie’s feminist sensibilities.
Can’t you just imagine the convoluted thinking in Rosie’s brain as she tried to deal with this assault on Western womanhood? It’s kind of like that old kid’s joke about falling out of an airplane. You remember: I fell out of an airplane. That’s bad. I had a parachute. That’s good. The parachute broke. That’s bad. But I landed in a river. That’s good. But I can’t swim. That’s bad. And on and on until your ingenuity, or your audience’s patience, gives out.
In the Rosie version, it goes
A woman was captured. That’s bad. But she was a complicit member of the vast military complex. That’s good, because her capture serves her right. Of, course, she’s British. That’s kind of bad, because they’re socialists, which is a good thing (as long as they don’t go after my millions). But Tony Blair is threatening economic sanctions against the poor Iranians. That’s bad, because he’s being a Western bully. As part of her captivity, they’re forcing her to wear a scarf over her head and parading her on TV, both in violation of the Geneva convention. Well, it might be bad, because maybe she doesn’t want to be humiliated this way. On the other hand, she could be having a bad hair day, and everyone wants to be on TV (right?), and the Geneva Convention applies only to bullying imperialist nations such as the United States, not to poor, little beleaguered oil rich nations with Muslim extremists in power.
Ah, the heck with all this: Somehow, it’s George Bush’s fault, and that’s GOOD.
When I hear about all the “confessions” the British sailors are issuing (in publicly televised sessions that violate the Geneva Convention, of course), I have no doubt but that the captives are being coerced, threatened, and possibly tortured. Although I haven’t yet seen any ruminations from the moonbats about these confessions (I haven’t been trolling the sewers of the more extreme liberal blogs), I’m willing to bet that they are accepting these confessions at face value. And why shouldn’t they? In Rosie the Moonbat world, Iran is the good guy, and is just trying to defend it’s poor little ol’ self from the big, bad, surprisingly helpless and hapless British Navy. (Queen Victoria is rolling in her grave as she hears through the ghost grapevine that a giant British battleship did nothing at all as its sailors were kidnapped.) The Moonbats also have a long and, to them, honorable tradition, dating back to Soviet times, of putting complete faith in the Kangaroo courts and show trials that the worst dictatorships periodically like to stage.
Yup. I’ve passed the test. I’m definitely not a moonbat.