It all started when I let a friend know that his particular breed of dog — the Labrador Retriever — has just been voted the most popular for the 25th year in a row. I added plaintively that I don’t understand why Chihuahuas weren’t on the list of most popular breeds. I happen to find them very endearing, not to mention easy to care for. Well, things got ugly from there, and I thought you might enjoy our exchange, which ended with my friend’s brilliant send-up of the whole social justice movement.
Ahem . . . a mystery then?
Your confusion is . . . . not justified.
Naturally, I wasn’t going to take this malicious propaganda lying down:
Hah! PhotoShop scams. This is the real Chihuahua.
And we know Labbies’ darkest secrets:
Showing the kind of willingness to fight dirty that one would expect from a Labrador owner, my friend once again maligned these darling little love bugs:
Hmmmm, I note that you have the chihuahua puppy held prisoner beneath a blanket, no doubt to protect the photographer from rabid ankle biting. And that picture of a labrador yawning? Eh. As to labbies deepest, darkest secret . . . . shhhhhhhh . . . . don’t let this get out, but it’s that
. . . they like cats:
My Labrador didn’t want me to tell you that, because if it gets out the Canine High Council will force him to turn in his Dog card.
Rather than trolling the internet for photographs of Chihuahuas engaged in cross-species cuddling, I finally threw down the gauntlet:
I will defend Chihuahuas — or at least my Chihuahuas — to my last breath. They are downtrodden and I am their personal social justice warrior.
My friend, in response, came back with a brilliant attack on SJWs, along with a defense of the free market of ideas. Even I, a committed Chihuahua lover, couldn’t argue with this:
I can hear you now . . . Chihuahua affirmative action, . . . . a chihuahua studies program at every university, unionization of chihuahuas, CLM (chihuahua lives matter) . . . the list is nearly endless.
But Chihuahuas are hardly downtrodden. They, like progressives themselves, are victims of their own policies. Labradors see every stranger as a friend that they simply haven’t met yet. Progressive chihuahuas see strangers as merely one more two legged parasite contributing to global warming in need of a good ankle biting. Labrador ascendancy is a function of free market economics. Would you impose socialism in the name of social justice for chihuahuas??
Well, he’s right, of course, but I do feel I should add that Chihuahuas can manage just fine with cats:
Seriously, though, Chihuahuas are stalwart warriors, who love their families with every fibre of their little beings and who will act with unimpeachable bravery if they perceive a threat to those they love. Little bodies, big hearts. Labradors on the other hand, well, they’re nice.