A post taking seriously the social justice warriors’ demands that we can only make America great again by returning to segregation. (Satire, of course.)
The latest trend on the Left is segregation. Black students at Harvard are holding a separate graduation ceremony for themselves; the University of Colorado Boulder is creating a dorm for black students only; many college campuses create special LGBT housing; and a Detroit high school is holding a “Muslim girls only” prom.
I’m a child of the 1960s and 1970s — that is, I grew up during the Civil Rights era, when Americans took a stand against government run amok — so I still remember Southern segregation, race riots, and school busing to desegregate those schools all over America that served only children of a single race. By the time I was nine, I was bused — although, ironically enough, the busing took me from one white middle class school to another white middle class school because there really weren’t enough blacks in San Francisco to go around and make desegregation meaningful.
My personal history means that my first, instinctive response to this new era of self-segregation is revulsion. This isn’t what Martin Luther King demanded, this isn’t the ideal for which hundreds of thousands of American blacks braved dangerous repercussions, and this isn’t the American way.
But you know what? I’m woke now. I’ve figured out that these self-segregating young people and their guilt-ridden white enablers are on to something.
You know why? Because the last time America was truly great was when we were still a segregated country. Just think about America’s triumphs during times when blacks and whites whether voluntarily or involuntarily, kept to their own spheres: That’s when we were truly an ascendant nation:
- We successfully revolted against the most powerful military in the world.
- We enacted the Bill of Rights, the most explicit statement ever that humans are created equal and have inherent rights independent of and superior to any government.
- We beat the Barbary pirates.
- We won a war against Mexico.
- We expanded across the lower half of the entire North American continent.
- We became an economic powerhouse.
- We won a war against Spain.
- We won a World War.
- We gave votes to women.
- We won another World War.
- We became an even greater economic powerhouse, so much so that we were the world’s preeminent nation.
And then what happened? The Civil Rights movement began, with people from Martin Luther King on down talking about things such as true equality under the law, thereby breathing real life into the Constitution, and giving speeches about valuing content of character over color of skin.
Across America, more and more people began to realize that it was morally wrong to treat blacks, most of whom had deeper roots in America than the white people swanning about as their so-called “superiors,” as second class citizens. People of all races took to the streets to protest racism in both state and federal laws. Brave martyrs suffered and died for the cause of equal rights for all. Laws changed, as did people’s values.
That whole “equal rights” desegregation stuff is all well and good, of course, but let’s think about the larger context of what was happening to America. We can’t hide from the fact that, as people’s moral indignation led them to free blacks from the ghettos and allow them a place at the bountiful American table, America as a whole was in decline:
- We walked away from Korea without a victory.
- We walked away from Vietnam without a victory.
- We walked away from a victory in Iraq, turning it into a bloody, ISIS-driven defeat.
- We walked away from Libya, leaving it a godforsaken, ISIS-controlled hell hole.
- We walked away from Afghanistan without a victory, re-empowering the Taliban.
- We have had race riots almost every decade since the Civil Rights movement began.
- We bounced from cocaine ravaging the U.S., to meth ravaging to U.S., to opioids ravaging the U.S.
- We had an eight year recession, the second longest since the Great Depression.
- We saw our schools drop from the best in the free world to the most mediocre in the free world.
- We elected Donald Trump.
I know that there are going to be people who, upon reading this, say things such as “correlation does not equal causation” and “you’re cherry-picking your data points.” But you know what? That’s just the type of classic logical thinking that has no room in today’s America. Today, it’s all about feelings. Logic is so . . . white male, if you know what I mean.
As far as I can tell, looking at the lists I personally prepared, I’ve proved to my own satisfaction that America was great during segregation. Moreover, it’s been going downhill ever since white Americans got woke and realized that segregation was a moral sin that was a stain on a great nation dedicated to freedom. There really is only one possible conclusion: The only way we can have a great America is to have a segregated America.
Naturally, white people, especially white people of my generation who deeply oppose segregation, cannot actually say or do anything to re-segregate America. We must therefore be grateful that today’s young minorities, both racial and religious, helped along by their Progressive white enablers, have also realized that America’s greatness walks hand in hand with racial, gender, and religious segregation.
In today’s woke world, nothing makes America greater than classifying Americans by race, gender, gender identity, sexual identity, and religion, and then dividing those groups both physically and mentally. After all, my carefully chosen data says that’s segregation is what made America great in the first place.
Even better, this generation of over-achieving young patriots is trying to make America greater than ever. Not only are these young ones embracing the black-white schism that those stupid classic liberals thought was a toxin in the American system, they are doubling down on dividing America.
Today’s good citizens recognize that it’s not enough merely to group people by black or white. To ensure America’s future greatness, we need more subgroups: Asians, Hispanics, women, differently-abled, gay, lesbian, bisexual, transsexual, asexual, pansexual, transgendered, non-gendered, fluidly gendered, Muslim, atheist, pro-abortion, etc. In a country as big as America, our new saviors are identifying exciting new victim grou- . . . er, American subgroups every day.
But America’s up-and-coming partisans know that even those visions are not enough to restore our country. To bind those groups competing for the “greatest victim” title, these clever progenitors of the new “Make America Great Again By Dividing It” movement are doubling down on just a couple of common enemies. Under the name of social justice and intersectionality, young patriots are making sure that everyone comes together to hate (1) white men and (2) Jews. And showing their true genius, they’ve managed to convince young white males and Jews to condemn themselves! Honestly! How great is that?
All I can say is that, under this new paradigm, America is going to be so great again that many of us, especially Jews, white men, and cisgendered heterosexuals, aren’t going to be able to handle all that greatness. I’m betting, though, that when things get really tough for those Jews, white males, and heterosexuals, we’ll find ourselves in comfortable new quarters, complete with shared rooms (including built-in toilets), bars on the windows, and exercise yards watched over by people with guns, all meant to protect us from the righteously angry patriot groups gathered outside the electrified fences.