“Who, me? Passive aggressive?” A play in one act

Wife: How about if I have dinner ready in about a half hour?

Husband: Good. I’m really hungry. I haven’t eaten all day. What are you making?

Wife: Chinese chicken.

Husband: I hate chicken, especially when you just put a slab on the plate.

Wife: I’m not putting a slab on a plate. I’m making Chinese chicken. But what would you like?

Husband: I don’t know. Do you want to go out or do you want to cook?

Wife: I never want to cook. We can go out.

Husband: I don’t want to go out. You can go out and get something though. I’ll eat whatever you bring back.

Wife: Well, do you have a preference? I can get Chinese or Mexican or Italian or Deli.

Husband: No, I don’t care. Get whatever you want.

Wife: Okay, I’ll get Chinese.

Husband: I don’t want Chinese.

Wife: Fine. I’ll get Mexican.

Husband: Okay, our daughter will eat the quesadilla.

Wife: What shall I order for you?

Husband: I don’t want Mexican. Get what you want.

Wife: Okay, I’ll get Chinese. Do you have any preferences?

Husband: Their soup is good.

Wife: I’ll get their soup, cashew chicken, and broccoli beef.

Husband: I hate cashew chicken. They make a fairly good moo shu.

Wife: Good. The kids and I like cashew chicken, and I’ll get a moo shu for you.

Husband: Don’t order something just for me.  Just do whatever you want.

Wife: I’m just going to cook tonight. Chinese chicken.

The epilogue, of course, will be a scene in which husband complains that wife never feeds him food he likes.

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Comments

  1. says

    I don’t know any guys who relate this way……are you getting this from life, or what?

    All the guys I know will tell you what they want, and if they don’t care, they say so and you can count on it that they don’t really care.

    And the idea that a guy would say “Don’t order something just for me” doesn’t pass the laugh test!

    Not to say that guys are never passive-aggressive — I’ve known some. But the conversation above is MUCH (much, much, much) more likely to take place with the sexes reversed.

    Except for the cooking part, of course. :-) There aren’t a lot of us who actually cook.

  2. Trish says

    If you need a second script, I’ve got an old one from the first years of my marriage, that starts with “let’s go out to dinner”, and ends, “I really don’t care where we go. . . “

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