“Who, me? Passive aggressive?” A play in one act

Wife: How about if I have dinner ready in about a half hour?

Husband: Good. I’m really hungry. I haven’t eaten all day. What are you making?

Wife: Chinese chicken.

Husband: I hate chicken, especially when you just put a slab on the plate.

Wife: I’m not putting a slab on a plate. I’m making Chinese chicken. But what would you like?

Husband: I don’t know. Do you want to go out or do you want to cook?

Wife: I never want to cook. We can go out.

Husband: I don’t want to go out. You can go out and get something though. I’ll eat whatever you bring back.

Wife: Well, do you have a preference? I can get Chinese or Mexican or Italian or Deli.

Husband: No, I don’t care. Get whatever you want.

Wife: Okay, I’ll get Chinese.

Husband: I don’t want Chinese.

Wife: Fine. I’ll get Mexican.

Husband: Okay, our daughter will eat the quesadilla.

Wife: What shall I order for you?

Husband: I don’t want Mexican. Get what you want.

Wife: Okay, I’ll get Chinese. Do you have any preferences?

Husband: Their soup is good.

Wife: I’ll get their soup, cashew chicken, and broccoli beef.

Husband: I hate cashew chicken. They make a fairly good moo shu.

Wife: Good. The kids and I like cashew chicken, and I’ll get a moo shu for you.

Husband: Don’t order something just for me.  Just do whatever you want.

Wife: I’m just going to cook tonight. Chinese chicken.

The epilogue, of course, will be a scene in which husband complains that wife never feeds him food he likes.