Are you ready to be a Democrat?
Bookworm on May 03 2008 at 4:17 pm | Filed under: Democrats, Silly Stuff
DQ sent me this. He laughed, his wife laughed, and I laughed. I’m betting you’ll laugh too:
22 WAYS TO BE A GOOD DEMOCRAT
IT’S NOT SO HARD, EVEN A CAVEMAN CAN DO IT….
1. You have to be against capital punishment, but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding citizens are more of a threat than nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese and North Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are more affected by soccer moms driving SUVs than by scientifically documented cyclical changes in the earth’s climate.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial, but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher who can’t teach fourth graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don’t care about nature, but loony activists who have never been outside of San Francisco do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million of his own money to make The Passion of the Christ for financial gain only.
12. You have to believe that the NRA is bad because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and Alexander Graham Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton is normal and is a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn’t worked anywhere it’s been tried is because the right people haven’t been in charge.
18. You have to believe that conservatives telling the truth belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belonged in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected, and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal Democratic Party funding by the Chinese Government is somehow in the best interest of the United States
21. You have to believe that it’s okay to give federal workers the day off on Christmas Day, but it’s not okay to say “Merry Christmas.”
22. You have to believe that this message is part of a vast right wing conspiracy.
Ready to vote
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Corrollaries:
1. Soccer moms are bad for the environment, but launching people into space on rockets that consume millions of pounds of fuel in the space of a couple of minutes is worthwhile–and the money is well spent.
1A. California addendum. Soccer Moms are bad, but the Governator flying his Gulfstream (actually a GIV belonging to Warren Buffet’s aviation company) back and forth from Santa Monica to Sacremento X times per week is just dandy.
2. You have to believe that overpaid CEOs are a menace to society, but making $$ X millions per year giving canned speeches is justified. An addendum: Unlike CEO compensation, the money paid to Oprah and other TV schills doesn’t actually cost you anything. (It rains down from the heavens?)
3. You have to believe that any speech that might convceivably offend anyone, anywhere, anytime is hate speech and must be punished severely–unless it is directed at GWB, Dick Cheney or Karl Rove.
4. You have to believe that it is noble to leak secrets about U.S. anti-terrorist programs to the press; and printing of them by the press are couragous and laudable actiivities.
5. Anything labeled “Green” is automatically virtuous; even if proven to be otherwise. See Hybrid autos, bio-fuels, etc.
6. Carbon offsets are not a scam.
7. If you get an economic-stimulus rebate it is free money.
8. Nature is benign unless corrupted by humans. Lions, crocodiles, tigers etc. would undoubtedly be vegans if humans had not impinged on their habitat.
9. When you hear the phrase, “I am from the Government and I am here to help you”, it is good news.
Beautiful. Simply, beautiful. I’m gonna have to steal this.
Another title for the piece: Twenty two- or fewer- reasons why I became an Ex-Democrat.
I suspect that like the author of this blog, that many of the readers of this blog were once Democrats. As for myself, won’t get fooled again.
This wasn’t too funny to me since I actually know not only why but how many people actualy believe in the things in the list.
Liberal: someone who beleives in a woman’s right to kill her unborn child - just not with a gun.
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