I’m not sure I need to watch tonight’s debate, because I already know how it’s going to play out:
SCHIEFFER: Good evening, gentlemen. You already know the rules, so let’s start with the questions. Sen. Obama, the first question is for you: Please describe for the American voters the way in which your economic plan is going to ensure that everyone will end up wealthy.
OBAMA: Thank you, Bob. Briefly: wealth, blah, blah, blah, pie, blah, blah, blah, wealth, blah, blah, blah, pie, blah, blah, blah, fair, blah, blah, blah, hope, blah, change.
SCHIEFFER: Sen. McCain, could you please discuss the details of your plan to cut taxes on oil companies?
McCAIN: Thank you, Bob. Before I get to my own plan, I’d like to discuss a point Sen. Obama made. You see, he errs, when he….
SCHIEFFER: Did you say “Ayers” Sen. McCain? I’m sorry, but we’re out of time for your answer. My next question is for you Sen. Obama. Jesse Jackson recently said that “zionists” will lose their “clout” under an Obama administration. Can you please comment on that statement.
OBAMA: First, let me say that that is not the Jesse Jackson I knew. Second, let me assure the American people that each of my advisors, past or present, whether Samantha Power, Robert Malley, Jeremiah Wright, George Soros, Zbigniew Bzrezinski, etc., are all (cough, cough), uh, stdfjd suerrureuf of Israel.
SCHIEFFER: Excuse me, Sen. Obama. Did you say that they are “staunch supporters of Israel?”
OBAMA: Cough, cough. Ahem. Uh, uh, uh, why yes, Bob, I believe I did. Yeah. That’s the ticket. Yeah, they’re all staunch supporters of Israel.
SCHIEFFER: Sen. McCain, do you have a response?
McCAIN: Bob, I don’t believe Sen. Obama is right about….
SCHIEFFER: Uh, Sen. McCain, did you say “Wright?” I’m sorry, but we’re out of time for your response. Next question is for you Sen. McCain. The Bush administration recently announced that it is removing North Korea from its list of “state sponsors of terrorism.” Can you please comment on that point, and be sure to describe all treaties with North Korea, and their outcome, since the end of active hostilities in the 1950s.
McCAIN: I’m glad you asked that question, Bob. As I often like to say, great oaks from little acorns grow….
SCHIEFFER: Did you say “ACORN,” Sen. McCain? I’m sorry, but we’re out of time for your response.
OBAMA: Can I interrupt here for a minute, Bob?
SCHIEFFER: Of course you can, Senator.
OBAMA: I’d just like to say, with regard to North Korea, that blah, blah, small country, blah, blah, talk, blah, blah, no cowboy diplomacy, blah, blah, hope, blah, change, blah, blah pie, pie, pie.
SCHIEFFER: Thank you, Senator. That’s very insightful. Sen. McCain, do you have anything to add to what Sen. Obama said?
McCAIN: I simply can’t agree with Sen. Obama’s optimism regarding North Korea. It’s one of the most brutal socialist regimes in the world, and unless that government opens itself up to a new party….
SCHIEFFER: Sen. McCain, did you say “New Party?” I’m sorry, sir, but we’re out of time for your response. Next question for you, Sen. Obama: Describe the way in which your health care plan will ensure that every person now living in America will have full, top flight health care.
OBAMA: I’m glad you asked that, Bob. Under my plan, every American will have full, top flight health care — for free, all of it paid for by the oil companies and other corporate parasites preying on the brave American taxpayer. Indeed, within a few years, under my plan, our health care will improve so much that we’ll be the envy of other nations, and we’ll be able to hold our heads up with pride when comparing ourselves to such stellar universal health care systems as those found in Cuba, England, Germany, and the rest of the socialized, um, I mean civilized, world.
SCHIEFFER: We’ve run out of time for a rebuttal there, Sen. McCain, but I’ll direct my next question to you. You’ve said that you believe that the American economy, which has been in free-fall for the past two weeks, and which seems to be entering the next Great Depression, is fundamentally strong. Please explain, with statistics, where you come by this notion.
McCAIN: It’s true that right now we’re seeing a serious market downturn, and I have to say that I did predict this a few years ago, when I actively sought oversight of the way in which banks were being forced to hand out loans to unqualified lenders, all with the assurance that Fannie and Freddie would buy them, insure them (knowing that the taxpayers would bear any losses), and resell them. But in answer to your question, I believe in the American economy, because I believe in Americans. Just the other day, in Wichita, I got to speak to Maurice Seger and Linda Mezzo about….
SCHIEFFER: I’m sorry, Sen. McCain. Did you say Pfleger and Rezko? I see from our clock that we have run out of time for this debate. Thank you, gentlemen, for you participation. It is always a privilege to be part of an effort that allows the American people to see their presidential candidates and hear what they have to say on the issues.