To: American Citizens
From: Your Government
It has come to our attention that citizens on your side of the aisle (“WN’s”, aka Wing Nuts) are doing a lot of talking. What in the world are you gabbing about?
Talk Radio, talking amongst yourselves, chatting on the Internet. What is with you people? Haven’t you ever heard of: “Turn on, Tune in, and Drop Out?”
This government feels that all this talking is in direct violation of the First Amendment. Regulations Czar Cass Sunstein is working out the details.
In the meantime, your government is issuing the following directive regarding inappropriate conversation topics. Because we are the most transparent government in the history of humankind, we will also include a comprehensive list of acceptable topics.
1. Radical Islam:
Why are you WN’s making a big fuss about Islam? Muslims are conservative, religious people with big families. Aren’t they just like Christians, only their wives aren’t as hot?
President Obama is working night and day to befriend our Muslim neighbors. In fact, he may or may not be one of them.
Didn’t you people ever listen to Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood? Remember a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet.
Your judging and criticizing our new friends’ lifestyle is not acceptable in any way, shape or form. Thus, we are requiring the following new terminology, effective immediately:
“Jihad” — instead please use the term, “religious freedom.”
“Honor killings” — “family values”
“Terrorists” — “freedom fighters”
“Clitoridectomies” — “cosmetic surgery”
2. Undocumented Workers:
Again, you WN’s are a bunch of sourpusses. What is wrong with having a bunch more pals from South of the Border? You act like some of them are drug runners, rapists, kidnappers, and thieves.
Didn’t you people learn to share as children? The Obama Administration has simply embraced what your mom and dad taught. We want you to share your emergency rooms, wages, public schools, and health care with these new friends.
3. President Obama:
Again, all these questions: Where was Obama born? Were his parents Communists? Where are his school records? Is he a Muslim? Why doesn’t he like America? What are his ties to domestic terrorist Bill Ayers?
Blah, blah, blah. Yada, yada, yada. All you need to know is this: He’s black. He’s cool. He dances, he parties, and he has amazing pecs. And, most importantly, he is not George W. Bush.
This information satisfies liberals — why not you?
4. The Czars:
Yes it’s true that President Obama has appointed over 30 (sorry, we’ve lost count) Czars. No, they are not vetted by Congress. Yes, many appear to be card-carrying socialists or recent discharges from a psych ward.
However, this secret cadre of Czars is absolutely essential to this administration’s agenda. How in the world can the Democrats radically transform America if you busybodies are all up in their business?
5. Criticism of Congress:
Public approval of Congress keeps reaching new lows. Why all this distrust? When there was a Republican government, any and all attacks, demonstrations, and ambushes were necessary.
But this is a Democratic government. We are the good guys. When the Democrats are in office, the country can relax. Leave the driving to us, dude, and take a chill pill.
6.The Mainstream Media:
You people have objected loudly to the MSM’s swooning over Obama. Aren’t you being a tad unfair?
Yes it’s true that reporters have been head over heels for Barack. But these reporters are living, breathing human beings. Don’t they have needs and desires like any other person?
7. Misogyny on the Left:
Some of you keep criticizing the Left’s bad treatment of women. Yes, it’s true that it’s been open season on women, like objectifying Sarah Palin and abusing Michelle Malkin. True, the Left is not known for giving women any respect.
I hate to break the news to you, ladies. But liberals don’t give a whit about sexism. The only “ism” that’s making headlines is racism.
Sexism is so 1970’s.
8. Black on White (and Asian) Crime:
Yes the statistics are alarming. But that’s only if you actually read them and publicize them.
True, in San Francisco, 85% of the strong arm robberies are blacks against Asians. And yes, there have been reports that blacks murder whites at 50 times the rate of the reverse. There were over a million violent black on white crimes in 1992, compared to over 100,000 white on black crimes.
And we’ll concede that the gang culture, enabled by liberalism, glorifies violence toward others, particularly police and women. Of course, it’s true that liberal attitudes have so infected the schools and the courts that the perps barely get a slap on the wrist.
But let me make one thing perfectly clear: this is an unacceptable topic. Why? I think you know why by now, you racist.
There are many topics that all citizens are free to discuss at will.
George W. Bush — especially his association to the Prince of Darkness.
Sarah Palin — particularly how crazy she is.
Israel — as long as words like “occupier” and “apartheid” are used.
Tea Parties — especially ties to Neo Nazis and the KKK.
Your GovernmentRobin is a licensed psychotherapist and a recovering liberal in Berkeley. She has written numerous articles for American Thinker. You can send her an email at firstname.lastname@example.org.