A smorgasbord of Gods

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Yesterday, the Opinion Journal discussed a Baylor study that questioned Americans about their attitudes toward God. That study identified four views of God: Authoritarian, Distant, Benevolent and Critical. The OJ guys were intrigued by these different Gods and, when the discovered a few percentage points of public opinion that the study didn’t account for, came up with some of their own:

  • Totalitarian God. He is everywhere, and he is watching you.
  • Multitasking God. Answers prayers by phone, fax and BlackBerry, all at the same time.
  • Noncommittal God. Loves his children, but isn’t “in love” with them.

OJ then had the brilliant idea to ask readers for more ideas, and the results (here) gave me the biggest laugh I’ve had in days. Here are a few of my favorites, but you really should read them all:

  • Passive-aggressive God. “Go ahead, sin if you want to. Don’t worry about my wrath.”
  • Hippocratic God. So powerful, he thinks he’s a doctor.
  • Customer service God. “Press 1 for the Father, 2 for the Son, 3 for the Holy Spirit.”
  • Unitarian God. Nice enough guy, but doesn’t really seem to believe in himself.
  • Rush Limbaugh God. “Talent on loan from me.”
  • Hippie God. Must have been on something when he created the world.
  • MasterGod. Priceless.
  • Budweiser God. This God’s for you.
  • Frugal God. Jesus saves.
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