Hollywood couldn’t make an honest “Noah” without indicting itself

Noah-2014-Movie-Poster-650x962Ben Shapiro doesn’t like Noah, the newest Hollywood wannabe blockbuster, this one based loosely on the Bible.  At his own website, Truth Now, and at Breitbart, he vigorously attacks the movie for turning the Bible on its head.  As you read here some months ago, Hollywood has taken one of the Bible’s pivotal narratives, which focuses closely on the wages of man’s immorality, and turned it into a Gaia-focused extravaganza, with a steroid-pumped, ninja-esque Noah cheerfully watching humans die because they pillaged the animal world.  In his Breitbart critique, Shapiro, perhaps accidentally, hones in on why it was ridiculous ever to expect Hollywood to be true to the Biblical source:

In this litany of great sins [eating meat, mining for energy sources, making weapons], you may be missing the traditional Biblical explanations of sin: idolatry, sexual immorality, violence. Rape and murder make brief appearances, but those sins are purely secondary to the true sin: destruction of the environment and the purty animals.

“Idolatry, sexual immortality, violence” — the big sins in the Bible . . . .and the big money-makers in Hollywood:

Idolatry

academy-awards-oscar

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Barack-Obama-George-Clooney

Madonna Super Bowl

Sexual Immorality

Lena-Dunham-Naked-at-Emmys1

Madonna and Britney kiss

the-wolf-of-wall-street

samantha-sex-in-the-city

Violence

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Fight scene 300

Kill Bill

django unchained

Without the staples of idolatry, sexual immorality, and violence, Hollywood would go broke. It was therefore always impossible to expect Hollywood to make a movie attacking its holy trinity.

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Comments

  1. Mike Devx says

    I can only wonder what Cecil B DeMille would have made of “Noah” back in the 1950′s.   You’d better believe he would have provided justification for the flood that washed away humanity… and the cause would definitely have included immorality, debauchery, sinfulness, wickedness, idolatry and idol worship…
     
    It would have been hard to top ‘The Ten Commandments” parting of the Red Sea.  He’d have had to turn the flood into the apocalypse of all apocalypses to achieve the kind of “spectacle” that he loved.
     
    Whatever he would have done, as much of a spectacle as it would have been, today’s Hollywood, and all the “cool people” would loathe it.
     
    But done properly as a spectacle, and in such a way as not to deliberately offend other cultures or religions, it would have made a billion bucks here in the USA, and probably another 500 million in the rest of the world.  (You CAN indeed make a movie totally centered on Noah and the Christian God – and God’s compact with humanity – without offending non-Christians, just as long as you draw them in with the “spectacular” rest of the movie.)
     

  2. Charles Martel says

    I’ve watched the previews for “Noah” and have had to crack up. The anachronisms are stunning: Noah’s adopted daughter looks and sounds like a thoroughly lippy 2014 college girl; the populace roused to assault the ark as the flood arrives is all dressed in dark video game leather costumes; and to thwart the advance of the wannabe passengers, apparently Noah or one of his henchmen sets off a blazing perimeter fire to protect the ark.
     
    Now, I ask you, where did Noah get the petroleum distillates for that fiery moat? FROM MOTHER GAIA, YOU MORONS! Noah is just as guilty of ecocide as all the other people in the movie. The only reason you made him the hero is because he’s a good Joooo before Joooos went bad and started building housing tracts on lands belonging to Mother Gaia’s sweet Palestinian ducklings!
     
    I feel better now.

  3. Spartacus says

    You don’t understand, Martel.
     
    The eeevil Joooos today are trying to Kelo the harmless, lovable little fuzzballs known as Palestinians out of their land by building permanent houses and apartment buildings there.  Noah was a good hippie Joooo with a mobile home, and left the land altogether.  (In fact, my sources tell me that the director’s cut to be released on the DVD contains a shot showing a peace sign next to a VW logo on the port side of the stern of the ark.)  Moreover, have you seen any of those Israeli apartment floorplans with space set aside for lions and tigers and bears, oh my?  Didn’t think so.  Just looking out for themselves, without a care in the world for endangered species.

  4. says

    Just to be clear in case anyone is misunderstanding me. Hollywood is cra. I would no more touch Hollywood stuff than I would lick cra. Dog food can be digested, but not so much with dog cra.
     
     

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