A PSA explaining why people should only own Labrador Retrievers and never Chihuahuas.
A break from all politics all the time for a public service announcement. Dogs are God’s gift to mankind. And while one can say that about most breeds, two in particular stand out. At the pinnacle of canine evolution are Labrador Retrievers. They are huge bundles of pure, unadulterated joy. At the other end of the spectrum lie Satan’s bastardization of God’s gift, Chihuahuas.
Labrador Retrievers have an amazing history. As proof of their divine origin, it is written in the ancient texts of the Apocrypha that Labbies were a part of the nativity of Jesus Christ. That might be simply a legend, but there is documentary evidence . . .
It is likewise written in the Apocrypha that Satan, looking upon the fine canine handiwork of God, turned one day to an evil minion and said “hold my beer and watch this.” He warped the body of a labbie into but a shadow of itself, gave it ludicrously outsized ears of a bat, the fangs of a demon, and in place of the labbie’s wonderful disposition, Satan gave his creation a psychotic, bipolar and intrinsically evil mind as well as an exceedingly ill-temper. The Chihuahua.
God blessed labbies with all that they needed to serve humans . . .
And many are the labbies that have been of service to our nation . . .
Though like all mortal things on this plane of existence, God did not make the Labbies perfect. They do have issues with sharing food . . .
But everything labbies do, they do with complete abandon and joyous anarchy.
we all – and i cannot stress this enough – need this right now. possibly the greatest short film ever made. pic.twitter.com/FzvtrmC70D
— Hannah Jane Parkinson (@ladyhaja) March 16, 2020
Finally, labbies have continued to serve us even during the China Flu shutdown, providing canine inter-labbie sports competitions that have proven wildly popular.
Chihuahuas are the anti-labbies. They do not bring joy or happiness. They have struck a bargain with their dark Maker to enchant a foolish human, making it seem that owning a huahua is a good idea. It never is, though. That said, it is simply amazing how many humans have been led astray and embraced these foul fiends of darkness, even as they show their evil nature . . .
And those chihuahuas who have yet to ensnare a human soul often turn to sin and the basest of human desires to lure good, God-fearing men into their dark web and destroy them . . .
And heaven help us all if the Chihuahua ever cross-breeds
If a chihuahua is left to his own devices, it will consume its owner’s soul. But there is an answer . . .
The lesson is simple. Only own Labrador Retrievers, for they will bring you grace and happiness. Chihuahuas will warp your mind and consume your soul. This concludes today’s PSA.