Scott Adams says that Carpe Donktum is one of the best political satirists out there, with Twitter as his canvas. This impeachment rundown supports that.
The Impeachment So Far, a catch up thread
Dems: We have an airtight case against the President
Reps: Ok, go ahead
Dems: Trump and his staff came up with a plot to withhold funding to Ukraine contingent on the announcement of investigations into Joe Biden’s son. AN ABUSE OF POWER, then he obstructed out investigation!Reps: Oh gee that sounds bad.
Dems: It gets worse, he also withheld a meeting with the new President of Ukraine unless he complied.
Reps: WOW. That poor man, when will they get the money?
Dems: Oh, they already got the money. A few weeks before the deadline.Reps: Wait, he got the money? Are they going to withdraw the investigations?
Dems: He never announced the investigations, but Trump asked them to investigate in their meeting.
Reps: Wait, THEY HAD THE MEETING?
Dems: Well yeah, they had a meetingReps: So let me makes sure I have this right, Trump gave them the money before the deadline, they didn’t announce any investigations and they got the meeting.
Reps: And you investigated this?
Dems: Of course we did, we had to, the president clearly has bad motives.Reps: and you found proof of this?
Dems: Absolutely, one guy overheard someone else on the phone talking to Trump about the whole scheme.
Reps: Like on speaker phone?
Dems: Not exactly, more like across the table in a crowded restaurant, not on speakerphone.Reps: I see, I suppose he destroyed all the evidence, thus the obstruction.
Dems: Well no, first he declassified the meeting transcripts, BUT then he said he had executive privilege or some nonsense.
Reps: What did the court say?
Dems: What court?Reps: Didn’t you take him to court to get the records?
Dems: There was no time, we can’t have a president extorting foreign countries. LOL MAN, are you crazy?
Reps: Just a second, let me catch my breath.
Dems: Shocking isn’t it.Reps: To recap, Trump gave Ukraine a meeting, the funding, no investigations were launched, declassified the meeting, and offered to go to let the courts decide on executive privilege, and you impeached based on an overheard phone call and the fact that you were in a hurry?Dems: Well… when you say it like that it makes us sound silly. But you’ll see when we call new witnesses during the Senate phase.
Reps: YOU HAVEN’T EVEN INTERVIEWED ALL THE WITNESSES YET?
Dems: Well, no but we did interview a few low level staffers.
Reps: *looks around*
Dems: *grins confidently*
Reps: You are fucking crazy.