Political limericks for our time

A friend of mine — Tom Keltner — has a knack for limericks and he gave me permission to publish an essay’s worth of them.

24 Limericks to a ’24 Republican Victory


There once was a government sewn
From a fraudulent fabric well known
But that fabric it seems
Will be ripped from its seams
By a twenty-two-four overthrow

A Democrat victory was cast
Through deceit that can’t possibly last
And in twenty-two-four
The Republican roar
Will cast Democrats on to the past


There once were some orders ordained
Through executive fiat’s domain
But as fast as they came
They’ll be instantly tamed
When Republican power is gained

There once was a bartender, left
Whose path to the Congress was theft
When she opened her mouth
And her message went south
Made the Democrats chances bereft

There once was a Democrat House
That they say was controlled by a louse
She had 4 or 5 chins
An armoire full of sins
And in twenty-two-two will be bounced

There once was a President Biden
Accustomed to silence and hiddin’
But in twenty-two-four
We will see him no more
With Republicans then to confide in

There once were some paranoid Dems
Using means they could never defend
To destroy all the work
Of that “orange-colored jerk”
But his movement they seek will not end

There once was a party of Dems
Some Clintons, far-lefty’s, and friends
Their agenda is frayed
And the public un-swayed
And twenty-two-four is their end


There once was a president, twice
Who the Democrats had in a vice
But impeachments not solid
Constitutions make squalid
As the vice quickly melts as of ice


There once was a socialist plan
With sun panels, windmills at hand
To leverage controls
Of our industry goals
With China and India panned

There once was a Congress whose power
Was diluted and seemingly sour
They attempted to pass
Left-wing measures to last
But their public support was too dour

There once were some policies strong
That the Democrats think are all wrong
But the Democrat’s strength
Lacks direction and length
To keep policies down for too long


There once was a standard of two
For legal and media too
Voter’s wishes be done
They’ll reduce them to one
So, the truth will then finally sneak through

There once was a media taught
To obsess over things they ought not
But the public caught on
To their media fawn
And their message is not to be bought

There once were some Communist Dems
With the help of their media friends
Tried to make us all think
That our founders all stink
But our minds aren’t that stupid to bend

There once was a Marxist attempt
To hijack old slavery events
To “awake” it is said
To things now that are dead
Is a narrative false with contempt

There once was a slogan derived
Misdirected and sadly contrived
From false racial contorts
Black Lives Matter supports
That create a false racial divide

There once were some wintery flakes
That just didn’t know what it takes
To work hard every day
And to earn all their pay
And their threats to go vote are all fakes


There once was a virus Corona
Hidden well in a Chinese kimono
So, voting a lot ‘a
persona non grata
a trend that will quickly be over


There once were Republicans downed
From a tendency not to rebound
But the courage came sweet
From one’s orange-colored tweets
To make them stand up and be proud

There once were some Trumper’s of Non
Whose blindfolds were seemingly on
But the primaries loom
And predicting their doom
Soon these Trumper’s of Non will be gone


There once was a country of pride
That entered a time of divide
Thought it wasn’t the first
It appeared as the worst
But recovery won’t be denied

There once was the courage of one
Regardless of things said and done
Gave us courage to fight
Using all of our might
To bring Democrats closer to none

There once was a country so great
That was very diminished of late
Then he came to the stump
The one Donald J. Trump
And his equal, or he, is our fate