John Oliver’s potty mouth ravings reveal what’s wrong with the Left’s approach to Islamic jihad

John Oliver on ParisJohn Kerry is a rather frustrating Secretary of State, not just because he’s uniformly awful, but because he’s so stupid there’s nothing left to parody. The guy parodies himself. Take, for example, his deep and profound statement following last Friday’s Islamic massacre in Paris. It is a tour de force of mental disorganization, banality, and incoherence.

The mere existence of a statement like this from our State Department attests to the depths to which our nation has fallen under the Obama administration. Even Hillary did a better job of saying nothing. And when I say that Kerry said nothing, I mean it. He especially had nothing to say about who perpetrated the massacre:

There’s something different about what happened from Charlie Hebdo, and I think everybody would feel that. There was a sort of particularized focus and perhaps even a legitimacy in terms of – not a legitimacy, but a rationale that you could attach yourself to somehow and say, okay, they’re really angry because of this and that. This Friday was absolutely indiscriminate. It wasn’t to aggrieve one particular sense of wrong. It was to terrorize people. It was to attack everything that we do stand for. That’s not an exaggeration. It was to assault all sense of nationhood and nation-state and rule of law and decency, dignity, and just put fear into the community and say, “Here we are.” And for what? What’s the platform? What’s the grievance? That we’re not who they are? They kill people because of who they are and they kill people because of what they believe. And it’s indiscriminate. They kill Shia. They kill Yezidis. They kill Christians. They kill Druze. They kill Ismaili. They kill anybody who isn’t them and doesn’t pledge to be that. And they carry with them the greatest public display of misogyny that I’ve ever seen, not to mention a false claim regarding Islam. It has nothing to do with Islam; it has everything to do with criminality, with terror, with abuse, with psychopathism – I mean, you name it. [Emphasis added.]

Did you get that? Our Secretary of State is baffled, completely baffled, by the Paris attackers’ motivation. The only thing he knows with certainty is that Islam had nothing to do with it. The killers’ cries of “Allahu Akbar” were a mere coincidence. They were probably just struggling to say something clever in French, along the lines of “l’état, c’est moi” or even “hinky dinky parlez vous” but, because they were hopped up on speed to facilitate the slaughter, were at a loss for words and used “Allahu Akbar” as their default statement.

John Kerry can be excused his meaningless fatuity because no one listens to him anyway. Most people tune out politicians. Instead, they listen to pop culture figures.

In the wake of the Islam-inspired Paris massacre, the pop figure getting the most play is John Oliver. When his show was recorded shortly after the massacre, he included a two minute long rant about . . . well, that’s interesting. I can’t say about the massacre itself, because he didn’t mention it. I also can’t say he delivered a rant about the perpetrators because, beyond some potty mouth name calling, he didn’t mention them either.  Here, see for yourself, but be prepared for a cascade of F-bombs and other juvenile obscenities:

Sadly, we must begin with a few words about France, which on Friday suffered the deadliest attack on its soil since WWII. Look, it’s hardly been 48 hours and much is still unknown, but there are a few things we can say for certain, and this is when it actually helps to be on HBO, where those things can be said without restraint. Because after the many necessary and appropriate moments of silence, I’d like to offer you a moment of premium cable profanity.

So here is where things stand: First, as of now, we know this attack was carried out by gigantic fucking assholes.

Unconscionable, flaming assholes, possibly, possibly working with other fucking assholes, definitely working in service of an ideology of pure assholery.

Second, and this goes almost without saying, fuck these assholes! Fuck them, if I might say, sideways.

And third, third, it is important to remember nothing about what these assholes are trying to do is going to work. France is going to endure, and I’ll tell you why. If you’re in a war of culture and lifestyle with France, good fucking luck. Because go head, go head. Bring your bankrupt ideology. They’ll bring Jean-Paul Sartre, Edith Piaf, fine wine, Gauloises cigarettes, Camus, Camembert, madeleines, macarons, Marcel Proust and the fucking croquembouche. The croquembouche!

You brought a philosophy of rigorous self-abnegation to a pastry fight, my friends. You are fucked. That is a French freedom tower.

So to the people of France, our thoughts are truly with you and I do not doubt there will be more to say on all of this as events unspool.

By Sunday, the French and Lefties all over America were lapping John Oliver’s shtick up. As best as I can tell, around 4,000,000 people have already listened to and been inspired by it. But what exactly inspires them about Oliver’s rant is unclear. Maybe they like it because this is just the way a world full of emasculated pajama boys fight, with a trivial mixture of juvenile obscenities and dorm-room style intellectual boasting.  People are so focused on the profanity that, unless they’re actually intelligent, they miss the part where he utterly fails to state what happened or name what caused the attack or who did it.

“My God, John!  What happened?”


“Yeah, but what kind of assholery?”

“The kind that fucking assholes do.”

“Oooooo-kay. But at least can you tell me why they did it?”

“Because they’re assholes?”

“Yeah, but what inspired them.”

“Assholery, because they’re assholes.”

I can just see Oliver, in 1946, explaining away WWII:  “Some fucking assholes in Germany, for some stupid reason, decided in the late 1930s to conquer the world and, while they were at it, exterminate the world’s Jewish population. And they did this, you know, because they were fucking assholes committed to assholery.”  You can see how much more powerful that is than Roosevelt’s pathetic excuse for a speech after Pearl Harbor:

Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 — a date which will live in infamy — the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.


The attack yesterday on the Hawaiian islands has caused severe damage to American naval and military forces. I regret to tell you that very many American lives have been lost. In addition, American ships have been reported torpedoed on the high seas between San Francisco and Honolulu.

Yesterday, the Japanese government also launched an attack against Malaya.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Hong Kong.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked Guam.

Last night, Japanese forces attacked the Philippine Islands.

Last night, the Japanese attacked Wake Island.

And this morning, the Japanese attacked Midway Island.

Japan has, therefore, undertaken a surprise offensive extending throughout the Pacific area. The facts of yesterday and today speak for themselves. The people of the United States have already formed their opinions and well understand the implications to the very life and safety of our nation.

As Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy, I have directed that all measures be taken for our defense. But always will our whole nation remember the character of the onslaught against us.

No matter how long it may take us to overcome this premeditated invasion, the American people in their righteous might will win through to absolute victory.


Hostilities exist. There is no blinking at the fact that our people, our territory, and our interests are in grave danger.

With confidence in our armed forces, with the unbounding determination of our people, we will gain the inevitable triumph — so help us God.

Roosevelt may have been a Progressive, but back in the day the Kool-Aid wasn’t so powerful that he was incapable of naming the enemy and recognizing that an ideological enemy must be utterly defeated. Today’s Lefties, who believe that the Western world is tainted with original sin, know with certainty, and are pleased, that no one will be inspired to fight when told that assholes committed assholery.

What a brave person — perhaps a Ted Cruz-supporting comedy talk show host — would have said is that our thoughts are with the French people, who were the victims of a brutal massacre by Islamic jihadists in thrall to a fundamentalist interpretation of the Koran, Islam’s holiest book. Instead, because Oliver, a hard-core British Leftist, opted for elementary school potty mouth insults. ISIS troops’ only appropriate response should be to stick their thumbs in their ears, waggle their fingers, and holler “Nyah, nyah. Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

And about those sticks and stones…. Does John Oliver really think that the French, simply by arming themselves with pastries and puffing on Gauloises, have demonstrated the type of cultural supremacy that will enable them to take down men who hop themselves up on meth to crucify children (sexually assaulting those they don’t crucify), after which they take exquisite sadistic (and almost certainly psycho-sexual) pleasure in beheading people, stabbing them, shooting them at close range, dis-limbing them, and blowing them up?

As World War II shows, the only way to defeat an imperialist culture in thrall to an utterly barbaric ideology is to bring the fight to them. We don’t crucify them, rape them, behead them, dis-limb them, or otherwise imitate their sadistic excesses. Instead, we kill them in numbers sufficient to make them absolutely certain that their ideology is a complete failure.

Incidentally, I don’t think Oliver is as stupid as he pretends to be. He knows that you don’t defeat Islamic jihad with a croquembouche and Piaf song. His problem — and Kerry’s, and Obama’s, and everyone else’s on the Left — is that he doesn’t think our self-serving, hedonistic, navel-gazing Western culture is worth saving. He’ll save himself of course, but you can go to Hell.